Review Detail of Presence in Harry Potter and the Prince of Slytherin

Writing Quality : The Author's personal style is something that I do not particularly enjoy. Most sentences are readable, but many contain incorrect verb conjugation, or improper tenses which disrupt the flow of reading. Paragraphing is acceptable, but descriptions and action scenes are very shallow. Personally, I find most of the writing not 'showing' but 'telling' most of the events. The Author also constantly uses words like 'Che' which is in my opinion, is very uncomfortable. While most of the cast consist of kids, they are Purebloods, who to a certain extent embody an aristocratic echelon of ancient society. Seeing them strut around using such words seems unbelievable, but it is mostly fine, since I am sure many people will not have the same amount of discomfort with such terminologies. The quality of writing remains constant throughout the chapters, maintaining a subpar reading experience. Though it should be noted, that compared many other works that make their way into this site, this story is comparatively better at least in terms of writing quality. Rating - 2, due to short, ****** sentences that are easily forgettable and basic. Grammatical errors and too many author notes which are explaining information about Harry Potter in a Harry Potter Fan-fiction seems unnecessary. If there are readers completely oblivious to the Harry Potter universe, than I would definitely recommend you read that, instead of this. Rating - 4 due to stable uploads with minor problems. Stability Of Updates : This is one aspect of a story that the Author does not completely butcher. As far as I have seen, the Author has maintained stability during his updates and usually put out a chapter a day, occasionally missing in between while he planned out the next book. Story Development : The story development in the first book was very similar to canon. In fact, this whole book seems to not even conceal being a wish fulfilment very well. Most canon events were basically presented with our MC showing up and diverging them with his 'genius' as he overshadows Harry and Ron, while getting all the ladies. Forgetting the fact that the MC is planning out a Harem of 11 year olds, most characters act as idiots to progress the plot. There are certain moments when the Author does subvert most expectations, or at least mine, when he made Pansy a Quidditch player. Otherwise, the first book was mainly a rehash of the original, but with our 'intellectual' MC saving the day. I should clarify, that our MC is in no way remarkable without plot armour. His genius abilities are only highlighted by making the rest of the cast dumber than a potato. The plot development of the second book was what finally made me give up on this piece of literature. While our MC is portrayed as Draco Malfoy, and then Draco Black, he is still a 11/12 year old child. Having the entire world follow his whims, reduces the ******* of the story immensely. Having him escape Lucius, and several other trained adults capable of magic seems like a big stretch. More importantly, the plot holes in this fic are starting to become a grievous headache. Lucius Malfoy with all his political authority, and Dumbledore, the Chief Mugwump and Warlock, were somehow outranked by the Minister and the masses? That is simply not possible since for the formation of any legal association, which the Anti-Dark whatever is believed to be is, cannot form if both the Light and Dark factions disagree with it as any legal enactment requires majority vote. Rating - 2 due to randomly inconsistencies and ridiculous developments that do not logically make sense. Due to certain ideas that I have not previously seen, I am being generous in awarding this fic a 2. Character Design : This part of the fic is what I believe to have ruined it all. The MC for instance, acts ridiculously childlike. Granted he is a kid, and surrounded by children, but he is a reincarnated/transmigrated individual. Since the story is primarily written in the perspective of the MC, it is at times, simply annoying to read through his ****** minded thoughts and observations, when we are constantly reminded that he is supposed to be some kind of potions prodigy. Dumbledore for all his wisdom and prowess seems to deem our MC worthy of carrying the Philosopher's Stone in exchange for letting Gryffindor win the house cup! Absolutely unbelievable. Idiocy levels in all characters beside the MC are increasingly heightened to make our MC some kind of trashy Gary Stu which is personally very irritating. All adults are shown to be very incompetent, allowing the MC who has had one year of formal instruction and few informal, to fight ***** wizards and aurors! There is simply an incredulous amount of unhealthy suspension of disbelief to even partially enjoy this mess of a fic. Anyways, I believe credit is due where it is, and the Author has done a decent job of portraying Hermione to an extent, and has an interesting take on a few others. Though the fact that every 'attractive' female character in the fic is a part of MC's harem reduces their worth to ****** nothing. Rating - 1 due to inconceivable levels of pathetic portrayals, and dumbing down of characters to establish the brilliance of MC. My critique on this aspect of the story is highly biased as I am not a fan of Harem, but since that aspect of the story has not been particularly explored yet, I believe that other points I have raised have provided sufficient clarity with regards to horrible depiction of multiple characters. World Background : So far in the story this aspect has been mildly explored, and seeing that the MC is visiting Romania and everything, I believe in time future readers will likely experience more of it. At the moment, due to the lack of originality, even by fan-fiction standards, I am rating it as a 2 for now. Particularly because, the MC can simply stuff anything and everything into a suitcase, and knows enough about potions to rival Snape of all people at the miserable age of a pre****. Hence, readers do not experience much of the world since MC can just brew anything he needs and never has to go anywhere. Additional Critique : I understand this may or may not be the Author's first fanfic. I believe with practice and effort he can certainly improve his work further. At the moment, I believe his current work is not for me. More importantly, I would like the Author and any reader in fact, to understand that charging money for a fanfic is illegal. While certain aspects of the story itself if original, it does not give you the intellectual rights to charge people money to read it. If any form of fiction is based on an already existing one, it is a fan-fiction! You do not own the rights to ask people to pay for it. I urge you to remove the paywall as soon as possible.