Review Detail of BoarEmoji in My second chance is as a Dungeon Master?

Seems like a fun story so far, gave four of the five categories 5 stars. Would enjoy the story a lot more if the writing quality was better. Example from the beginning of chapter 24: "In a gloomy and narrow underground (adverb, underground what?), goblins' scream (screams) echoes (echo) as they turn into cinders (not clear. maybe "as their bodies are reduced to cinders"?). Their last expression was filled with disbelief ("Their expressions filled with disbelief", not sure how they have an expression when they were just reduced to cinders though?), couldn't be comprehended (they couldn't comprehend) why another goblin wants to kill them now (why another goblin would want to kill them). That goblin act of slaughter at this moment can ruin the ritual (what). On the contrary of those goblins expression of incredulity (what), their attacker is gazing at this blazing scenery without any fluctuation of emotions (without emotion / with no emotion / blankly). He flails his wands while mumbles (mumbling) some incantation, which makes other goblins notice their clatter (what)."