Review Detail of nyght_elf in Power Up, Artist Yang!
Review detail
I really like this. I did start reading it when you only started posting and saw great potential in it, but wanted more chapters before emerging myself in it. I really like the characters. They are raw and human, with their flaws. I love the description and the art you add thus a little bit more of their worlds would be nice. Sometimes I wonder if this is like actual China or an alternative dimension. But its nice to have these questions. I also like how you sidestep the clichés despite using them sometimes. And thank you for some good characters of females that are not witches! One thing I find erm how to say, uncomfortable maybe? How you said the crown Prince is a ML and friend. We clearly see that now he thinks of her like more than a friend and the things that we predicted and were afraid of are happening. When his wife wanted to see him he rejected her. So I see a bit of disinformation in a way. I know that it's normal for men in those times to have many women, they are a product of their time, but I guess or sentiments can't be helped. Also this is my personal opinion and not necessarily true, I mean no disrespect, but I was sceptical at the notion of friendship between them only because I can't imagine such friendship in that Era. I don't see how men were taught that women could be their friends, but maybe I am wrong. That's why I say that I would like more world building and details since I am not Chinese and don't simply know all those details no matter how much I read. All that could be easily different in your world so I want to see more. I only know that the Tang dynasty had brought more freedom to women. In rest I adore the book and love the characters growing, because I literally see them developing and actually growing. Working and admitting their flaws and weakness. One observation, advice take it as just a suggestion, I noticed cause I gad the same problem and someone mentioned it to me and I was very grateful so I unintentionally saw it here too. When you have a long monologue and split it in sentences in brackets, tie them together with a description of the scene. "bla bla bla" "bla bla bla" Instead you could do it like this: "I love this soup" he said turning around "I guess I will eat one more bowl." just an example, I am not a grammar nazi or anything it is just redundant to use just the brackets to split a long dialogue, you sprinkle it with a small description. But like I said, you decide if you want to use it. You may read on this in the Internet if you want. But other than that I literally see no flaws or anything inconsistent in your writing. You are a great author with real talent with a no nonsense writing style. So thank you for writing and sharing with us! Will eagerly look forward to your future chapters. Take care of yourself and stay safe and healthy!
Power Up, Artist Yang!
yaoyueyi
Liked by 2 people
LIKEReplies3
omgg tysm for this long review!! (anytime i read long reviews i get tears of joy i'm so moved hahaha) lemme address some of your questions :D 1) "Sometimes I wonder if this is like actual China or an alternative dimension. But its nice to have these questions." I think I wrote in the beginning of the novel (but i totally understand forgetting lol) but this is set in a fictional Xiang Dynasty. so it definitely is an alternate dimension. to give some more background info (i wanted these to be implied throughout the novel instead of info dumps, so I dropped hints about these things, but just so i can be clear, lemme list them now!!), it's a less... conservative time period, at least in comparison to the timeline of things. it's set when the tang dynasty SHOULD'VE occured. but because of certain shifts in history, the dynamics/influential people changed. so, more feminist figures (like yujia's older sister, wu (yang) yichen, who became the first female general) as well as other transmigrators (wei yunjing let's goooo) jumped in the picture, greatly increasing women's rights. that's why there's more freedom/feminisim in this time period than a lot of ancient china. the noble family ladies still are very limited, but yujia's backstory (which was very purposeful to give her more freedom hehe) as a merchant's daughter, and then her fake backstory later on when she became a lingxin disciple as someone kinda adopted by her master, gives her the ability to interact with men more freely. also, she's a modern lady. hehe 2) "I don't see how men were taught that women could be their friends," so, similar to the point i addressed above, I think this part is already partially answered, but again, men/women could definitely be friends in my world. :D it's just *muuch* less common, and this is also why yushang has "feelings" for yujia b/c he's used to any positive attention from women to be more in the romantic sense. so I definitely think an interesting dynamic in their relationship is the difference between yujia's attitude towards yushang and how he feels about her, since it challenges a lot of the common social standards. (the entire relationship that yujia has with yushang, as business partners, also does make it more friends-only sort of attitude.) on the other hand, yujia can have a more friendly/brotherly relationship with her fellow disciples since in my world, disciples, despite different genders, definitely see each other as more of a brother/sister kind of thing. so it's also why yujia gets kinda uncomfortable at rong yuan being like "yo i like u" b/c she sees her senior brothers in more of a family way. it's also why she is becoming more relaxed with zixu. :)) 3) "When you have a long monologue and split it in sentences in brackets, tie them together with a description of the scene." hmm I looked back at all my dialogue to check, and I do think I already do it!! examples: chap 234: “I need to go to the market real quick,” the chef explained, “The servants are absolute idiots. I always tell them to not buy these kinds of cabbage—” she furiously pointed at the cabbage on the table, which Yujia could honestly not see anything wrong with, “but they keep doing it. They never learn! And now I have to pick the cabbage myself. Absolute idiots, I’m dealing with, I tell you.” or also chap 234: At this, Yujia looked up, quick to defend herself, “I wasn’t planning on doing anything too serious! I was just going to… draw some cat whiskers on your face.” One of her hands went up to cover her face, her cheeks reddening. Still, she couldn’t hold back a bit of laughter. “I know it sounds ridiculous. But that’s why I thought it would be funny. So— you better not do anything serious either!” or chap 202: “Oh, I’m…” Yujia racked her brain for identities to take on, “the young master of the Zhuang Family.” i just picked some random excerpts. not sure if this is exact
my reply was wayyy too long so the system stopped me from writing, but here's part 2 lol: anyways, i'm super happy to hear all this feedback, it really does help A LOT!! tysm for reading all these chapters, and I am super honored that you like my writing. T_T <333 you are really too kind & thank you for taking time out of your day to write this lengthy review! it's also currently past midnight for me so i'm sorry if all these replies were a bunch of gibberish b/c my brain is not thinking clearly (need sleep lmaooo), but anyways, i just wanted to reply. <3 <3 <3 and if it was not clear enough, lemme just say again, I really appreciate you for reading & writing this review!! you are amazing!! <3333