Review Detail of Froschmo in Strangers From Another World
Review detail
Yoo, fro hereee!! This story is so interesting!! Crossing another world isnt unusual story, but this one was interesting enough to hook you up. Smooth narrative and great concept of magic. I really like the way this story twist around the plot. It make a nice surprise and make me curious for more. The world building here also great, it is clear enough that I picture the scene in my mind. Just you still have a lot of grammar mistake, especially the tenses. Past tenses and present tense are mixed everywhere, it isnt consistent. But overal it is good. Just, I have one question though. Who is the MC of this story? Please dont get offended, I am just confused about it between Alex and Gene. If it is Gene, then it is fine, you did a good job descripting him, but if it is Alex, he was too invisible in the vol 1. I know his character is shy and timid, he is seldom talking. But you should show the story from Alex's view more instead. In the vol 1, all I see is Gene, while vol 2 the story started from alex again. So it isnt stable. Although I really like Alex's character, but he is really invisible. If thats you want to show in the Vol 1, Alex's invisibility, then the story should be show from Alex's view in the shadow. Well, other than this, its all good. Please continue the hard work!
Strangers From Another World
Neverender
Liked by 1 people
LIKEReplies5
Thanks for the review. Your feedback has been insightful so far and I am really thankful for it. I'm sure you noticed by now, but tenses are one of my greatest weakness. I'm more mindful of it now, but sometimes (a lot of times) the mistakes still slip pass me. I can only hope that it doesn't bother you too much. As for the MC, I actually plan to have more than one and decided to start with Gene with Alex slowly coming into greater presence as the story goes on, because while I initially designed Alex to be the sole MC, his character just turned out to not be suitable for the position. However, at the same time, I also wanted a character that slowly grows over time instead of being able to go on adventures right from the get go. And so the result is Gene stealing the spot light (for now) as the initial MC.
So you planned for multiMC? No wonder it was inconsistent, I like Alex's character though, shy and timid with his 'good boy' personality is cute. The beginning of the story was good, the story was shown from Alex's character. But once Gene appeared, you immediately switch the narrative to Gene's view and Alex become a little side character that just follow along as background. In this part, I noticed immediately the inconsistent of MC. Actually, the story could still continue consistent as long as you kept the narrative from Alex and minimaze Gene's part. Make Alex to be more curious and observant, so without Gene taking too much limelight, he somehow understand the situation. But since you decided to make a multiMC instead, then it is fine. But I think you need to make them more noticeable in vol 1, well, just make them more noticeable in vol 2.
Neverender:Thanks for the review. Your feedback has been insightful so far and I am really thankful for it. I'm sure you noticed by now, but tenses are one of my greatest weakness. I'm more mindful of it now, but sometimes (a lot of times) the mistakes still slip pass me. I can only hope that it doesn't bother you too much. As for the MC, I actually plan to have more than one and decided to start with Gene with Alex slowly coming into greater presence as the story goes on, because while I initially designed Alex to be the sole MC, his character just turned out to not be suitable for the position. However, at the same time, I also wanted a character that slowly grows over time instead of being able to go on adventures right from the get go. And so the result is Gene stealing the spot light (for now) as the initial MC.
About the grammar, they didnt bother me much, the narrative was easy to read, so I can ignore them easily, but for other readers who care little detail like this, they may dislike it. So if you have spare time, try to check them. My grammar is also bad, so I could understand about this too lol
Neverender:Thanks for the review. Your feedback has been insightful so far and I am really thankful for it. I'm sure you noticed by now, but tenses are one of my greatest weakness. I'm more mindful of it now, but sometimes (a lot of times) the mistakes still slip pass me. I can only hope that it doesn't bother you too much. As for the MC, I actually plan to have more than one and decided to start with Gene with Alex slowly coming into greater presence as the story goes on, because while I initially designed Alex to be the sole MC, his character just turned out to not be suitable for the position. However, at the same time, I also wanted a character that slowly grows over time instead of being able to go on adventures right from the get go. And so the result is Gene stealing the spot light (for now) as the initial MC.
Duly noted. At the moment, I'm also trying to minimize Gene's role in Vol. 2 so that both characters get about the equal amount of scenes, though Gene would still have the more story driving moments while Alex would stick with more slice-of-life moments. Of course, this would change once Alex become more developed and involved with the rest of the world.
Froschmo:So you planned for multiMC? No wonder it was inconsistent, I like Alex's character though, shy and timid with his 'good boy' personality is cute. The beginning of the story was good, the story was shown from Alex's character. But once Gene appeared, you immediately switch the narrative to Gene's view and Alex become a little side character that just follow along as background. In this part, I noticed immediately the inconsistent of MC. Actually, the story could still continue consistent as long as you kept the narrative from Alex and minimaze Gene's part. Make Alex to be more curious and observant, so without Gene taking too much limelight, he somehow understand the situation. But since you decided to make a multiMC instead, then it is fine. But I think you need to make them more noticeable in vol 1, well, just make them more noticeable in vol 2.
thats great then! make Alex involved with the important plot on his own, not just following Gene. keep the hard work, I will cheer on you from here lol xD
Neverender:Duly noted. At the moment, I'm also trying to minimize Gene's role in Vol. 2 so that both characters get about the equal amount of scenes, though Gene would still have the more story driving moments while Alex would stick with more slice-of-life moments. Of course, this would change once Alex become more developed and involved with the rest of the world.