Review Detail of ImBloo in The Golden Watch Of Hypnosis

The story kinda makes me uncomfortable (what can I say, I've a weak heart :D) so I'm just focusing on the presentation. The writing style is confident A little wordy sometimes: "Chap 2: ...sat on a desk at the edge of it" -> "sat on a desk." Seriously how do you sit on the table edge? Is the table turned sideways? Jk Jk... You are right to have split the chapter into smaller sections. If the chapter is too long, readers tend to forget what they read at the beginning. Also have you tried dividing the into "scenes" with a header on top and a divider between scenes like ~.~.~.~? I find it suitable for the genre you're aiming for. Anyway, good luck with the rewrite!