The story is interesting but I agree with the others. The grammar is half-bad although I can understand what you are trying to convey it is tiring to always guess the right words and reconstructing the sentences. You need to look for an editor. Once you release many chapters not all people has the patience to play "guess". Dont take this comment too hard. You have potential its just the grammar that's holding you back.
phamtonbullet
Liked by 10 people
LIKENo replies. Be the first!