Pixxie_Mysteria999
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2023-07-19 JoinedGlobal
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Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommentedCh 3 Volume 1 Chapter 3 - I'll Avenge You, 'Mom'- Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
These three sentences need to be eliminated, and the second one needs to be rewritten as "You'll see for yourself."
"So that the ceiling will collapse on top of you." - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
These two sentences should be eliminated.
Colony Leader Ashley said before getting into a proper fighting stance. - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
Replace exclamation mark with question mark.
"What's this!" - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
Italics, not quotation marks.
"An item with an unidentified name? I've learnt a lot of things from my former life, and I know that it'll be best if I purchase it." - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommentedCh 2 Volume 1 Chapter 2 - History of a New World
- Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
The next two dialogues needs to be together.
"You're the Queen's first hatchling. In other words, if the Queen isn't able to bear queen candidates, you will become the next Queen." - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
All three dialogues needs to be combined in one.
"Now, let's see how the system describes [Black Heart - Breathing Technique]." - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
Space
Perception:3 - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
Delete this
Volume 1 Chapter 2 – History of a New World - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
Space
You have gained the skill: Memory Compression (Rank:1) - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
Describe Colony Leader Ashley.
This ant was Colony Leader Ashley, one of the closest companions of the former Queen of the Ant Clan. - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommentedCh 1 Volume 1 Chapter 1- Reborn in a New World
- Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
Space in "Perception:3."
This paragraph has been deleted. - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
Too much of "It was a technique that could turn the body into a..."
This paragraph has been deleted. - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
Comma in between "know" and "right," and replace a period with a question mark at the end of the dialogue.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Pixxie_Mysteria9991mthCommented
Delete this. It's repetitive and unnecessary.
Volume 1 Chapter 1 – Reborn in a New World - Pixxie_Mysteria9998mthCommentedCh 11 Chapter_11: New Beginning
- Pixxie_Mysteria9998mthCommented
This needs to be split into paragraphs.
"Zaly, you shouldn't have come with us; it's dangerous for a young boy like you to come in a ruin hunting." Bane's dark hair was tied because it was too long, and his beard was shaved to a stubble. "It was the right choice; this kid needs to see the other side of the world. We need this kid to be mature at such a young age," Ragnar said with a cold and quiet tone; he was rather creepy. His eyes were too tired, his eyebags were darker, and more wrinkles showed up in his temple. And on the left side of his cheeks was a huge scar.