Mahenzz
Lv3
2023-07-03 JoinedGlobal
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Mahenzz5dCommentedCh 2 Tutorial 1- Mahenzz5dCommentedCh 1 Opening Cinematic
- Mahenzz5dCommented
bloor -> floor
This paragraph has been deleted. - Mahenzz13dPosted
The writing is god awful. The speech distinction is really bad and makes it a little hard to know who is speaking at any one time. grammar is kinda out the window. But its a fanfiction of a story with an already well developed world and characters and he does them decent justice. I am mainly reading because I enjoy the magic progression and general divergence from canon.
- Mahenzz13dCommented
shouldn't he toss his empty mag/clip?
Kenzei spun on his feet again. Without stopping to run, he tossed his empty bullet to the side and loaded a new one into his Glock. - Mahenzz14dReplied to Mahenzz
actually the enitre paragraph.
And, the more I read into the descriptions of the basics of these branches of summoning magic, the more I was amazed by it. Perhaps if you think of spells as programme codes, setting aside other parameters, there are two basic commands at the heart of these two types. They are summoning and creating. That's right. Using the summon command, the mage imposes additional search parameters, after which the creature summoner searches for an object matching the parameters and summons it into the magic circle. And it doesn't have to be a creature, it can also be an object. Well, and the call of spirits, in fact, no call, but the creation of a magical entity! Perhaps even in the form of a gnome, if enough skill. Moreover, it is theoretically possible to create intelligent beings. As an example, the book cited the familiars of Perigius Dora, a.k.a. the Armoured Dragon, after whom the world's calendar is named. He is served by intelligent spirits created by summoning magic. - Mahenzz14dCommented
You need to rewrite this sentence. Your grammar is kind of bad usually but I was ok with it but this is unreadable.
And, the more I read into the descriptions of the basics of these branches of summoning magic, the more I was amazed by it. Perhaps if you think of spells as programme codes, setting aside other parameters, there are two basic commands at the heart of these two types. They are summoning and creating. That's right. Using the summon command, the mage imposes additional search parameters, after which the creature summoner searches for an object matching the parameters and summons it into the magic circle. And it doesn't have to be a creature, it can also be an object. Well, and the call of spirits, in fact, no call, but the creation of a magical entity! Perhaps even in the form of a gnome, if enough skill. Moreover, it is theoretically possible to create intelligent beings. As an example, the book cited the familiars of Perigius Dora, a.k.a. the Armoured Dragon, after whom the world's calendar is named. He is served by intelligent spirits created by summoning magic. - Mahenzz16dCommented
*leaned. or Leaning against ... Georgia...
Georgia leans against a steel hull of one of the freighters using her radar and spotters to try and determine a location. - Mahenzz16dCommented
should be in past tense since you used past tense in a previous paragraph and it sounds like passive voice with present speech now.
The silence resumes as the girl watches the condensation from her breath. - Mahenzz16dCommented
*I asked out loud. Yo, I have a complusion to edit peoples stuff. soz.
"Oww… Did somebody get the license plate of the truck that hit me?" Is asked aloud. - Mahenzz16dCommented
keep only one tricky and restruxyure the sentence.
'It'll be tricky something tricky to learn it, but it's too useful to pass up' Crossing his fingers, Naruto formed hundreds of clones around him and they quickly ran into the forest to train 'I'll spend more than half of my chakra to train my element and this, but it's worth it.' - Mahenzz16dCommented
*this location
"I'm not coming on someone's orders, and I had to call in a lot of favors to find his location..." Shaking his head while sighing deeply, Kakashi continued "I need your help... correction, the village needs your help." - Mahenzz19dCommented
*guns
Aizawa clenched his shoulder not expecting a villain in Japan to pull out a literal gun, guns were rare in Japan even to the point that Aizawa an underground hero has only encountered five gund in his entire career. - Mahenzz19dCommented
*In reality
Doma held the gun he had just pulled out playfully, of course he had just made it on the fly using his cells making sure it looked as close as a revolver from a distance. I reality none of the components actually worked and if he wanted for it to fire he needed to do everything on his own by moving the gun and causing a mini explosion that would launch a bullet made from the iron in his body. - Mahenzz19dCommented
get rid of one flicked
Izuku couldn't say anything as he and Tsuyu were pushed to the sides by Hairo who countered the Ice with his exploding blood causing a huge cloud of mist to surround the area. - Mahenzz19dCommented
*tricked
And with All Might shout Izuku passed out while Katsuki's looked at him in fury as he felt trick, while Hairo on the other hand started walking out of the room along with Momo as they were next which was strange since he knew this wasn't the right order. - Mahenzz19dCommented
part of his plan
But finally after having enough Katsuki charges at him trying to take him out but as he launched the explosion from his palm, Izuku on the other directed his fist upwards tricking Katsuki who believed that the punch was aimed at him but it was all part his place while his other arm blocked Katsuki's explosion. - Mahenzz19dCommented
*scents
Right now he was in one of the Alleyways of Mustafu with his Doma(Yes doma not douma) Appearance, and right now he was across two drunkards specifically two 'Bro's' having the time of their life, but he could not only smell the alcohol but as well as the drugs and other filthy scenes on their body and so with a quick motion he appeared infront of both of them before jamming his finger through their head.