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ListlessVenerate

ListlessVenerate

Lv2

In my abode I slumber, write, and read, waiting for the day I get a system.

2023-04-09 JoinedUnited States
-d

Writing

1.2h

of reading

796

Read books

Badges

5

Moments

26
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate8mth
    Replied to Kurten_Vince

    Yeah, seeing a novel you really like get dropped or end way before you expected it to end is rough,

    The online novel, Maximus's Endless Journey, one of the main sources of his entertainment for the last 15 years, spanning 10,000+ chapters and much of his young adult life, was now over.
    altalt
    Zenith Chasing System
    Fantasy · ListlessVenerate
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Commented

    May want to separate this into multiple sentences.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Longevity: Starting by Trading My Lifespan with Supreme Exercise
    Eastern · RebornAnew_author
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Posted

    Hey, writing this to help convince you to try this story, should the following elements for it's future direction strike your fancy. First, no romance as was written in the description. No harem. The MC will not get into romantic relationships. The MC slowly changes in regards to their morality. So it will be a handful of arcs before any distinct negative, darker qualities manifest in the protagonist (no set number of arcs). Along the lines of ruthless, more pragmatic qualities. The MC is not a schemer, more of a fighter, but there will be some strategies deployed by the MC down the road. The MC will not reveal to others that he has the system. Nor will he just give his rewards he gets from his system to others. Even with the system, the MC wont have it easy, the MC will go through a lot. It wont only take place on a classic fantasy world, the MC will travel to different worlds but will be a while before that happens. Lastly, nothing is particularly set in stone, but this is where my head is at for where I want the story to go.

    altalt
    Zenith Chasing System
    Fantasy · ListlessVenerate
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Commented

    That escalated quickly.

    "The universe you come from is a small one. It isn't even the true universe. Actually you come from my inner universe, I am the supreme deity of creation formed from the true universe and I made your universe for a constant supply of energy. I'm always taking the Supreme qi based from your universe which is why there is no powers or cultivators in your universe"
    altalt
    Maxing out my luck in a cultivation world
    Fantasy · JustAPerson1010283
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Commented

    Memory reading, how invasive.

    "to be completely honest I can't return you, once dead you can't be returned to the same world. I already got the information I wanted from your thoughts and memories so we can get to the reward now" the god says
    altalt
    Maxing out my luck in a cultivation world
    Fantasy · JustAPerson1010283
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Replied to Anubis_Rio

    Just rewrote some of the early chapters and fleshed things out. Should be in a better state.

    altalt
    Zenith Chasing System
    Fantasy · ListlessVenerate
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Replied to NecW

    2 is great.

    altalt
    Infinite Potential System
    Eastern · NecW
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Replied to Anubis_Rio

    I appreciate the feedback. I have plans to rewrite the early shorter chapters. When I do, having that portion be faster paced is possible.

    altalt
    Zenith Chasing System
    Fantasy · ListlessVenerate
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Replied to Primas

    Thank you, that means a lot.

    Ch 19 Turnaround
    altalt
    Zenith Chasing System
    Fantasy · ListlessVenerate
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Replied to trophymade

    Happy to help.

    altalt
    A King’s World
    War · trophymade
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Posted

    The novel so far has surprised me. There are elements such as Leonidas understanding terms he likely never heard. There was also the overly long chunks of text that could make reading easier if it was spaced out.Besides that, I also observed dialogue that could be more clearly labeled on who is speaking. Looking forward to what Leonidas is able to achieve. Story has potential, with a few tweaks you would have a solid novel here.

    altalt
    A King’s World
    War · trophymade
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Commented

    Spacing error, part of the above line.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    A King’s World
    War · trophymade
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Commented

    Whats a spell to a blessing?

    "Nice spell," the soldier said, mockingly. "Here's some more arrows for you! How long will your puny shield last?"
    altalt
    A King’s World
    War · trophymade
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Commented

    This could be spaced out.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    A King’s World
    War · trophymade
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Commented

    Could be collapsed or fell on the bed, rather than jumped. Would speak more clearly to his state of mind.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    A King’s World
    War · trophymade
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Replied to Primas

    Fixed, thank you.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Zenith Chasing System
    Fantasy · ListlessVenerate
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Replied to Davidham_

    That would be a bit funny, yes.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Zenith Chasing System
    Fantasy · ListlessVenerate
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Replied to Koopatroopa4560

    Thank you for the feedback! I shall rework portions of the the chapters that seem to be unclear. MC will be changing bit by bit, on his journey. Regardless, having him be interesting is important.

    altalt
    Zenith Chasing System
    Fantasy · ListlessVenerate
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Commented
    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Infinite Potential System
    Eastern · NecW
    detail
  • ListlessVenerate
    ListlessVenerate9mth
    Commented

    Not musicals...

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Infinite Potential System
    Eastern · NecW
    detail