ListlessVenerate
In my abode I slumber, write, and read, waiting for the day I get a system.
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ListlessVenerate8hCommentedCh 30 Chapter 28 Black Knight and White Jade! Murderous Intent Like Blood!_1detailImmortality Martial Arts: I Started with the Five Animals Health FistEastern · It's really not Xu Xian- ListlessVenerate10mthReplied to Kurten_Vince
Yeah, seeing a novel you really like get dropped or end way before you expected it to end is rough,
The online novel, Maximus's Endless Journey, one of the main sources of his entertainment for the last 15 years, spanning 10,000+ chapters and much of his young adult life, was now over. - ListlessVenerate11mthCommented
May want to separate this into multiple sentences.
This paragraph has been deleted. - ListlessVenerate11mthPosted
Hey, writing this to help convince you to try this story, should the following elements for it's future direction strike your fancy. First, no romance as was written in the description. No harem. The MC will not get into romantic relationships. The MC slowly changes in regards to their morality. So it will be a handful of arcs before any distinct negative, darker qualities manifest in the protagonist (no set number of arcs). Along the lines of ruthless, more pragmatic qualities. The MC is not a schemer, more of a fighter, but there will be some strategies deployed by the MC down the road. The MC will not reveal to others that he has the system. Nor will he just give his rewards he gets from his system to others. Even with the system, the MC wont have it easy, the MC will go through a lot. It wont only take place on a classic fantasy world, the MC will travel to different worlds but will be a while before that happens. Lastly, nothing is particularly set in stone, but this is where my head is at for where I want the story to go.
- ListlessVenerate11mthCommented
That escalated quickly.
"The universe you come from is a small one. It isn't even the true universe. Actually you come from my inner universe, I am the supreme deity of creation formed from the true universe and I made your universe for a constant supply of energy. I'm always taking the Supreme qi based from your universe which is why there is no powers or cultivators in your universe" - ListlessVenerate11mthCommented
Memory reading, how invasive.
"to be completely honest I can't return you, once dead you can't be returned to the same world. I already got the information I wanted from your thoughts and memories so we can get to the reward now" the god says - ListlessVenerate11mthReplied to Anubis_Rio
- ListlessVenerate11mthReplied to PrimasCh 19 Turnaround
- ListlessVenerate11mthPosted
The novel so far has surprised me. There are elements such as Leonidas understanding terms he likely never heard. There was also the overly long chunks of text that could make reading easier if it was spaced out.Besides that, I also observed dialogue that could be more clearly labeled on who is speaking. Looking forward to what Leonidas is able to achieve. Story has potential, with a few tweaks you would have a solid novel here.
- ListlessVenerate11mthCommented
Spacing error, part of the above line.
This paragraph has been deleted. - ListlessVenerate11mthCommented
Whats a spell to a blessing?
"Nice spell," the soldier said, mockingly. "Here's some more arrows for you! How long will your puny shield last?" - ListlessVenerate11mthCommented
This could be spaced out.
This paragraph has been deleted. - ListlessVenerate11mthCommented
Could be collapsed or fell on the bed, rather than jumped. Would speak more clearly to his state of mind.
This paragraph has been deleted. - ListlessVenerate11mthReplied to Primas
Fixed, thank you.
This paragraph has been deleted. - ListlessVenerate11mthReplied to Davidham_
That would be a bit funny, yes.
This paragraph has been deleted. - ListlessVenerate11mthCommentedThis paragraph has been deleted.