"He was a vampire, I noticed the eyes." I shrugged. "And he was about to attack, with that Bow, which felt very dangerous, so I just thought fuck it, and launched Dawnbreaker." Frankly, it wasn't even a measure of his strength or how powerful he was, no one really expects swords to shoot at them.
I like the concept, but the execution is terrible. Way to much over explaining. Lots of sentences can be a lot shorter, and character sentence structure is very badly balanced
My eyes, so many errors. You should use grammarly it helps a lot. I don't have keen eyes for it ,but i've noticed so many of them it's kind of embarrassing
Definitely has potential. Like the fact he didnt just take a template of a extremely popular character/ iconic character or else it would have been very tiresome real fast