WritingforXP
“Ah, go boil yer heads, both of yeh,” said Hagrid. “Harry — yer a wizard.”
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WritingforXP1yrPostedI read the first 6 chapters (all that's available at the moment) in one sitting. Not a dull moment. So it's fast paced and action-packed. The author's narration is impressive. And I'm curious as to whether English is just a second language to him. Ayaan's character has his motivations well-stated. I know why he puts up with the hellish training, so that's great. My only complaint is that I don't know him well enough as a person yet. Who is he, really? He seems to know little of the world considering he grew up in the slums. I imagine someone like that would be a lot less polite. And maybe even curse a lot more. The side characters feel real enough. The dialogue really sets the tone. It's India. Though it'd have been great to explore the coach's character a lot more. I feel he's got quite the backstory. I recommend reading this if you're looking to take a break from LitRPG or Progression-type novels found here. Think Hajime no Ippo. A hard worker's tale.
- WritingforXP1yrCommentedCh 5 Combo
- WritingforXP1yrCommented
Oh, I love a good backstory... He sees someone in Ayaan... Another student, from years past, gone rogue perhaps? 👀
The old man sank into the sofa and reached for the glass of water his wife offered him. With a single gulp, he emptied it and spoke, "I thought that I left my old life behind and was not ready to teach anyone after that incident." - WritingforXP1yrCommented
Good. There are no freebies in life. I'm glad the old man's not some Samaritan.
"Good. I will see whether you are working hard and seriously for it. If you don't show me the results, kids, you can pack your bags and go back to the slums where you came from. - WritingforXP1yrCommented
Man, he's observant... Good question.
"Why didn't they use their legs, elbows, or knees? This was different from what I watched." - WritingforXP1yrCommentedCh 3 Skipping
- WritingforXP1yrCommented
Great set up there. But I feel we could have had a bit more exposition. How bad was Ayaan's life on the streets? Did he make any friends, enemies? What were his fears? knowing some of that would make me want to root for him more. Not that I don't already.
Ch 2 I Want To Be That Guy - WritingforXP1yrCommented
"... and if you're going to try, go all the way." — CHARLES BUKOWSKI
"I... I will do anything here; I will clean toilets and floors. I can even run errands for everyone, but please don't kick me out. - WritingforXP1yrCommented
Ayaan's glow up will be quite the read... ✨
The balding old man approached him, his gaze sweeping over his entire being. He couldn't help but notice the child's frail frame, disheveled black hair, filthy nails, and rugged clothes. Despite this, the child was nearly six feet tall. - WritingforXP1yrCommented
How did Ayaan learn to read? 😅
The board read, "The Boxing Land." - WritingforXP1yrCommented
Oh, that was his first time watching a match? A bit surprising... You'd think he'd have seen a few matches working on the streets for so long... Assuming he's been polishing shoes for a while...
Ayaan's mind raced as he walked through the narrow alleys, recalling the match he watched on the phone. The experience had left an indelible impression on him. He had never imagined that people could achieve fame and fortune by fighting each other until that day. - WritingforXP1yrCommented
Captured his character in a single line... I have a face for him now. 🔥
"It's Fucking easssy... They are all not on my level, mate." - WritingforXP1yrReplied to Pb0514
Perfect! 😂
Donal O'Connor emerged and walked like a duck in the middle of the octagon, his muscles bulging beneath his skin. He exuded a quiet confidence that spoke volumes about his skill in the octagon. The crowd was roaring and waving Irish flags everywhere. - WritingforXP1yrCommented
I see what you did here, author... I like it. 😌
"FROMMM THE IRELANDDD….. THE IRISH DESTROYERRRRR... DONALLLLLLLL... O' CONOOORRRR….. - WritingforXP1yrCommentedCh -1 The Nightmare Spell
- WritingforXP1yrReplied to MenacePigeon
I shouldn't have laughed at this... but man... 😂😂
About one and a half billion years ago he finished setting up the foundation of the treasure, which meant that his remaining work although important did not require as much attention from him. As long as he was within a certain range he could continue manufacturing using only his spiritual senses. This left him relatively free to do as he wished, but being alone he got bored quickly. He had devised many ways to entertain himself. - WritingforXP1yrCommented
Thank you for this. I rarely read about my own continent in many of these.
A.D.F: African Defense Front: : :