DaoistNotAvilable
Writing
of reading
52
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You could try breaking down the paragraphs. Too many lines visually seem a lot for a reader. Also, there are a lot of different situations taking place in one chapter. Try separating the different segments with a line or something. For the reader it will become clearer, otherwise I was a bit confused when I read from one segment to another and suddenly couldn't connect. But really good start.
Will completely ignore the minor grammatical errors, since I found this to be a beautiful piece of writing. The frustrations and helplessness of the FL comes out so clearly through the various real and dream situations. The different relations and personal chemistry of the FL with different characters is well portrayed. Very good work.
Has returned back to normal, but i get your point. will go back and add the details.
I found the way the story started off to be quite interesting and funny. Like the FL a lot - her expressions, her internal dilemmas.....very funny and relatable. Should go back and edit the chapters already uploaded. some minor mistakes in punctuations and word capitalizations. Keep up the good work. :)