Cybermage_9009
A prospective Narrative designer looking to build up his reputation as a storyteller.
Writing
of reading
33
Read books
Please use quotations, I find it confusing in some parts, I can't tell what is the characters inner thoughts or the narrators or an ongoing dialog. Also I noticed you speed blitz the introduction, I'm not saying your work should be a slow burn but throwing too much information at the audience at once kinda removes the intrigue from it, I want to be surprised sometimes is all I'm saying
it is a horror story, excellent! the chapter was shorter than I imagined but I assume it would get longer over time
I like the beginning of this, it sounds like something out of a horror story, I'll keep going and see what I think of it