unfortunately didn't receive much readers and I am demotivated to write this.my upcoming story 'Return of Crimson Sword God' got better emotional first chap though.I love it.

I may have added the laughing emoji. but the question is serious

Zhu Ying

Zhu Ying

can you please change the name I want to use it for my novel. please don't troll

u making it sound like the dude just discovered their deathbut previous paras implies something else ..?

....I not i.also too much .... takes my immersion out.I understand what u are going for but repeating the words didn't achieve it

why 'my' 😭😭

on the floor*and I guess u missed so before that"so much that anyone would"

no need to say 'indicating his old age' when u literally started with old man

had not has

I not i

and what is it?

better use small demon instead of the name as mc still hasn't remembered the name

even i don't know the meaning of coruscating. Of course by the sentence I can infer that coruscating can be shinning. Still better use simple, understandable words.

'them' for streams of light? Doesn't make sense. Or the demon lord and Ruel are present? Make this more clear.

scream is mostly high pitched voice and that breaks the imagination lol.

ngl most reader will think that gargantuan is the swords name. better use huge. Also you use a lot of commas. I suggest keeping sentences short.

better say stayed silent for a few moments

power," said Ruel not full stop