MC committing suicide is a big L. Any story beginning like that is not worth bothering with.

And why give her a stupid orca tail? Never heard of a mermaid or shape changers. Enough said.

Why make it so boring. For example why is he so indifferent to his first fiance?

Bro you do know that this is a scam. He stole the story from 'the goal of life' named 'reborn in flames' from fanfiction . net.

The author is 'The Goal of All Life' and the story is called Reborn in Flames. You can google it.

He stole the story from fanfiction.net The original author is 'The goal of all life' named 'Reborn in Flames'. So read it over there....

If you want to read the real story go to: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14095230/1/Reborn-in-Flames It would be nice of the person to mention this is a repost(stolen) and not his fic.

A lot of structure and format problems in this story. This is were I stop but wish you well

Many of the terminology is wrong. Sofia is a Ward of the Protectorate(PTR) not a 'Guardian'. Also many of the names are wrong. Like Scion and Armsmaster. Not sure if you're just sloppy or not that much well read into Worm.

If I ever was to write a Taylor fanfic. I would have her defeat the Butcher and ergo take his powers. Her shard the multi tasking Queen Administrator would be perfect in dealing with the downsides. Sadly most fanfics about Worm/Parahumans are softcore pg rated. And seem like a gender studies homework assignment. So it never interested me that much. This seems like a promising start though.

Sadly this does not live up to the source material. Tell the story from the mc point of view. This is how you make it so boring nobody is gonna care.

Nope this doesn't comes close to being a good chapter. You have the mc literally being lazy and playing video games. This has no entertainment value. The rest is just boring.

Big thumps up!

Thanks really enjoying it.

I already didn't like how you censored the original and took all the sharp edges off. So my expectations weren't that high. Now we are at the point of new material. And... it's short for starters. Also it doesn't seem as good as the original. I really hope you manage to pull of a miracle and pull it together. It had always much potential.

The format and grammar are so horrible. It's barely readable but there is a bare bones of a story hidden in here.

This is boring and there is no effort put into creating something new. What happened to your mc? Did you cut his balls off?

I agree his marriage, is his only ace in the hole. The only way he can give himself agency in that world. And he is giving that up for? Riding away cowardly on a dragon? The very same weapon only Targariens feel like they have right to own. Putting him on their deathlist?

I have too many questions. A victim of bulllying was already farfetched. And he is acting like a child.... I have no idea what his goals are. Swordwielding yes good but why blacksmitting? That doesn't fit for a high born. And what are your plans for his wife? Is he gonna be a man and put a child in her. Or remain a cuck and sulk in the shadows.

No knight would openly disrespect his lord like this. Other than that you have me intrigued.