Now I feel empty; What once was sweet excitement, leaves me as it came.
Since this is a r-18 novel I don't really expect much beyond the equivalent of going around to every city completing the harem pokedex. I like the creative setting. It almost feels like the eroge game could have been real. Also like the sheer ridiculousness of the protag eyeing every female for woohoo comparable to actual doujins. I would... something something... domination system is useless if every female is already off to being inseminated twice a week but then again, r-18. Only in it for the meticulously written sex scenes.
Yeah no if fire magic works by heating air into a plasma no oxygen is consumed because that only happens in combustion, which is not equivalent to fire.
why are there no comments
"Not for public use" Also "Everyone is required to serve 2 years in the military" X
Wow that's a little bit dark, I thought "one outcome" meant getting kicked out but hey
i want that just because this bully hero dynamic is so overdoses
the drop is made of drop
mobile is weird, meant to reply to this one
author makes mistakes like these very often this is the first time someone has actually corrected them, it takes a lot of bravery to make this comment ;)
Another thing I want to add: The story is built around "1 power good. 2 power bad. 3 power doesn't exist." As such, most people have just 1 power, and Varian, even if he wanted to, can't use all of his powers. The powers are built around some elemental system. Fire, water, space, lightning, plant? Problem is, there's nothing elemental about this. They all function the same. You can sense stuff with fire, kill stuff with fire, have more defense with fire. There's virtually nothing distinctive or rock-paper-scissor based fights between them. This makes fights a game of which person has the higher level, and usually they're going to be the same... at peak level. I understand that the story can not longer be rewritten, but I think the different powers should have been more different, or at least, something like Pokemon.
(Has spoilers but breaks formatting, so marked with warning below) It's been a while since my last review, and a lot has changed. The story has developed much further but I still have multiple problems with the story. The writing quality has seen visible improvement. It is not perfect, idiomatic phrases are a bit awkward, but it is definitely getting there. Update stability is not a problem. Story development is okay. In my opinion, it bounces around a lot. I would not say it is boring, The characters, however, are what I find the most unappealing. Varian, flat, static, generic, adventurous and sharp-tongued hero. He's not a genius in my book but whatever. Not a problem, but then comes the other characters. They do not receive enough development or as much "screen time" and usually only have one or two trait that define them. Want some examples? (Spoilers now) - Sarah: Clingy lover - Sia: Recluse lover - System: Jerkass assistant - Boo: Jerkass-ish child - Enigma: Jerkass-ish mother (of Sia) - Julius: Jerkass If you have not noticed, most of these are female. The story is oversaturated with female characters. It is almost like he is building some harem (I hate using that word)— except there is already a distinct romantic subplot of this story, alongside an archetypal girlfriend conflict that does not really work. Sia is not well developed enough to even qualify as a girlfriend. Sarah appears more like a friend and the romance between them feels extremely forced. It would have been cooler if Julius was just doing his big evil plans out of responsibility and necessity, but nah. He is the big bad evil. Kyle and whatever that other girl's name is are barely important to the story. In fact, I speculate that they could be easily removed and nothing about the story will change. Besides that, this tier system has shown its flaws, especially during conflicts when, "they're magically forced to separate, ignoring the fact that a level 9 could just go fight the group of level 8's instead and win." Or or or or or, https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PlotTailoredToTheParty. Having 10 levels is already a lot, but then there is a need to split them into sub levels, and between level 6 and level 7 there's another 6 stages to cross. Makes no sense.
or "the shortest"
Reminds me of those anti vaxxers going "if you turn off the television all the problems go away"
This part is the true culmination of 317 chapters worth of reading and a worthwhile payoff to character development you rarely get from mostly amateur story-writing. Kudos to author. That did make me cry.
140 chapters-ish in. If it does get better right after that I wouldn't know because I don't plan to continue reading. This does contain a bit of spoilers but it is only for mostly early chapters and it breaks the formatting so I won’t be marking it as such. This story did not give me the "kick" I have found in the stories I have read so far. By the 140th chapter, a reader can be expected to be hooked, to be immersed in the world enough to see the developments of the story as familiar. However, up to this point, the plot has been largely unamusing, confusing, and often inconsistent. I - Plot holes This is not going to be a full on critique of realisticness, as that isn't a necessity of an engaging story. One big problem I have with the setting is the lack of *practical* technology. The story likes to use the excuse of the presence of monsters as a magical way to disregard technology. You can't launch satellites sure but mobile devices and internet have no need for satellites. They are facilitated by cell towers which shouldn't be that hard to build. Theo getting assassinated is a plot hole because mobile devices should exist, and he could just make some call to emergency services to protect himself. Unless... of course, they were out of range. In that case, where are the vehicles? There are vehicles (humvees) designed to traverse hazardous environments. Now all of this could be avoided by providing some more petty excuses which I would happily accept, but as of now, there are none. A suggestion for the story: just abandon the whole "separate world with monsters but no technology" gimmick altogether. Also try giving a gun to your weak characters. If a gun is ineffective against weak monsters, and a weak character is able to kill a weak monster, then a gun is ineffective against weak characters? It's guns work or they don't. How about a tank? A nuclear bomb? There's a limit to how much "weapons are weak against monsters so we must use medieval era weapons" you can put in a story with future tech like a Sky.. net.. web.. link? I forgot. Additional nitpicks: The couple at the start of the story talking about how they MURDERED someone in public? You had to be a genius to attain hero rank but now Theo is supposed to do it in 3 months and it is suddenly a normal and easy thing to do? Theo is a genius now because he's picking "le breathing and l'awareness" easily but when did he become a genius... how? ...and other plot holes stated in other reviews I won't bother plagiarizing. II - Writing It doesn't need to be said that the english on this site is... not exactly up to the standards you would find in an normal english book. From the few other stories I have read so far, very often there are grammatical errors present. I do commend the author for not having as much grammatical errors and using more "formal" vocabulary. However, the underlying nitpick I have is the "flow" of the story. The story all too often has the need to explain something that the reader already knows. You can remind them using dialogue. It's also a bit awkward to straight up give information to the reader. You can find this in the form of internal monologues, specifically where Theo contemplates a decision (there is a lot of this going on) that doesn't need to be written out because it's not that important to the story besides a few sentences. More critique from a kid failing his english class: NEVER use contractions and informal speak (swearing) in narration. This is fine if the narrator is part of the story, but not in this one. Also try refraining from doing the inverse— using formal vocabulary in casual dialogue. "I will shamelessly utilize this opportunity" - It's awkward. III - Story/World Is it that I (try to) read too fast, I get distracted too easily, I'm not paying enough attention, or all of the above? The story is really hard to follow. Why does Theo pick Laust? He knows Laust resents him but he picks him anyways and is surprised when Laust doesn’t want to fight. The fight scenes are hard to follow as well. It gets even more confusing when you pit 5 against 5 and you have to visualize: person 1-10 are in their respective positions but then person 1 moves in front of person 6 and their CLONE is magically behind person 9 and is about to attack person 7 when person 4 intercepts… The power system is a weird mix between levels, skills, “awareness,” and “experience.” It really does start out with levels, but then each additional factor is added and it becomes really a “You can get X easily but what you really need is Y.” Additionally I don't consider this particularly fast paced despite the tag, this is actually the primary reason I dropped the novel. In the last 2 novels I have read, by now the character has: surpassed their bullies by a huge margin, finished exacting their revenge, discovered a new conspiracy about death/disappearance of family/friends, triggered a hidden power in their inner self that scares everyone, and is now on a quest for further vengeance. I apologize if I just spoiled every novel that exists and will exist on this site, but yeah, the pacing is not that fast. IV - Character(s) I think beyond the archetypes of bullies, girlfriends, and mentors, the story fails to portray Theo as a likeable protagonist. In the first few chapters Theo is weak (as usual) but then gets betrayed. Note he says one of those cliche "humans are evil and something something I want to purge them all." The story then forgets all about it in the next 100 chapters or so and doesn't seem to have any intention of bringing that back again. He is able to level up faster though levels supposedly don't matter that much. Besides that, what is special about him? He's smart and able to come up with plans and outsmart his peers? I'd have to disagree, it's more like the other characters are dumber. 'Ah yes you stole my kill so now I am scared and I feel like you have control over me' - what? What is so special about his clone skill? So he doesn’t have friends? What is so special about leveling up his skills? How is that “cheating the system?” I think the story is poorly thought out and the writer really intended on making things up along the way while forgetting the details made early on. I like how I’m logged in to web novel and I try to submit but it shows me login screen and I lose all my progress and have to use this text file I luckily had.
Seth appears to be a "good" person? Actually willingly offends Narcis and acknowledges Varian. Also a likeable name.