webnovel
avatar
0
doomedtl

doomedtl

Lv1
2021-08-28 JoinedUnited States
-h

of reading

24

Read books

Badges

3

Moments

18
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Posted

    Very vivid prose and evocative lines. The unique formatting lends itself to the message its trying to get across. Represents adolescence and trying to figure out your place in your world honestly.

    altalt
    Morphing Iniquity
    Teen · Tailrs ink
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    I love this line.

    These cities swallow you and spit you out leaving you tasteless like those chewing gums that come with those sweet round sweets with a stick for one to hold, what are they called again? Oh yes, those lollipops.
    altalt
    Morphing Iniquity
    Teen · Tailrs ink
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    The prose is the good and I like the formatting. I get the impression that the narrator's flow of thought is uncontrolled. Definitely intrigued to read more.

    Ch 1 Love is not dying.
    altalt
    Morphing Iniquity
    Teen · Tailrs ink
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    Vivid descriptions. The writing is fairly polished :]

    Ch 1 Prologue
    altalt
    The Villainess Tales
    Fantasy · faizalatee
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    Interesting so far. I like the concept of the school. I wonder why the people with powers are targets.

    Ch 2 2 Mecha School.
    altalt
    My Android System
    Sci-fi · Almightypush
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    I can see now the last two chapters were mostly set up for the action :] I like how the intense physical preparation justifies why cultivators are rare.

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Water Emperor
    Fantasy · Alakasou
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    An interesting premise so far. I will say that information is told directly to the audience, rather than shown through dialogue/descriptors, which can lessen immersion.

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Water Emperor
    Fantasy · Alakasou
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Posted

    Although the writing is unpolished, the story moves along quickly and holds nothing back in brutality. The world is intriguing. My biggest issue is that I do not get a sense of the characters' personalities.

    altalt
    Not in use2222
    Fantasy · ToonRoom
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Posted

    The writing could be more polished, but it has very vivid descriptions and strong characters. Each chapter raises questions that make you want to keep reading.

    altalt
    Blood Lust An Undying Thirst
    Teen · Nebula18457
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Replied to sg_27

    I'm intentionally keeping things mysterious. Could you elaborate on how the characters are weird? The story is written in English. I haven't translated it to any other language.

    altalt
    Abandoned
    Fantasy · doomedtl
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Replied to Blazing_Leo

    Thank you! Hopefully things will become clearer soon :] Chapter 2 is set to publish September 5th

    altalt
    Abandoned
    Fantasy · doomedtl
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    Pretty solid establishing chapter. The last line is excellent. You convey Bai Yaoyao's betrayal and the effect this has on Bai Weiwei very well. I would recommend changing passive voice into active voice, since that tends to read more smoothly :]

    Ch 1 Chapter 1 -betrayed by trusted people
    altalt
    Today the Villainess has Fun Again
    Fantasy · Nusaibah_Radiat_
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    The quality of writing is very good. I like the worldbuilding and the dialogue between the protagonist and Armain. The ending lines are ominous and make me want more.

    Ch 1 Seeking Magical Enlightenment (Part I)
    altalt
    TBD1231
    Fantasy · Christian_Mojica
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    Mostly exposition, but fitting for a prologue. Not a lot of action or characterization. There's not enough yet for me to form an opinion, but I'm intrigued by the weapons they received from their parents and the cultivation techniques.

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Void Progenitor
    Fantasy · VOID_
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    There's a sense of urgency and raised stakes in this chapter. I can tell we're getting to the action. I like the description of the hellhound. I'm intrigued by the mother and what she knows.

    Ch 4 A Surprise Guest
    altalt
    Blood Lust An Undying Thirst
    Teen · Nebula18457
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    The first sentence is repeated at the end of the paragraph.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Blood Lust An Undying Thirst
    Teen · Nebula18457
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    A lot of new characters introduced at once. It's a little hard to keep track of them. This chapter raises more new question instead of deepening or answering any of the ones raised in the first.

    Ch 3 High School
    altalt
    Blood Lust An Undying Thirst
    Teen · Nebula18457
    detail
  • doomedtl
    doomedtl2yr
    Commented

    Very vivid description, solid establishment of the family dynamics. I like how Rhi seems to be more of a rough-and-tumble protagonist. The questioned raised by the chapter are intriguing enough for me to want more. Some parts are redundant. For example, "I quickly put my phone down, got up, and jumped out of bed" could easily be cut down to "I quickly jumped out of bed", since got up/jumped out of bed convey the same thing, and putting the phone down would be implied.

    Ch 2 Helgrey & Memories
    altalt
    Blood Lust An Undying Thirst
    Teen · Nebula18457
    detail