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yohananmikhael

yohananmikhael

Lv3

Join my discord server: https://discord.gg/aAHPwVJm My discord: yohananmikhael#9051

2021-06-08 JoinedGlobal
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Writing

101.4h

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725
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael5mth
    Replied to Romance_guy

    small chance

    altalt
    Third Life in the Post-Apocalyptic Earth: My Title is Feral Demon
    Fantasy · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Posted

    Everything was good, but the writing quality was slightly off to me. The style, breaking the 4th wall slightly gives an odd taste. I don't know how to explain it more, but I couldn't see myself being immersed into this type of style. However, I tried until I got the sense of it. I encountered a small number of grammatical errors.

    altalt
    Spy Mage System
    Fantasy · GMSJakers
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Posted

    I don't feel like giving it perfect 5 stars but I don't trust my critique. So, here we are, sharing my experience. I won't share anything about the story, just the nature and stuff I think the author needed to know from a reader. No sugarcoating from me. The text was messy. I can understand texts once in a while, but sometimes not. I need to read it again, and I think it is my fault at some point. However, I noticed that some of it was indeed messy by nature. The writing quality was good, at least best of the average. No outstanding prose once in a while. It depends on the author. But with the atmosphere of the novel, I think prose was needed to give readers a break. And to end this, author should put transitions more emphasized or just bring them to the attention of the readers. The scenes were short, which made the transition ugly. Chapters were long, but the amount of small scenes (emphasizing changes in every text) was not obvious.

    altalt
    Why I (don't) regret looking for the dragon's eyes
    Fantasy · Mayline
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented

    The Forum brought me here, but I didn't expect the experience. This first chapter was hooking me to read the rest. Arthur is likable as well.

    Ch 1 Mageroot, source of despair
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    Why I (don't) regret looking for the dragon's eyes
    Fantasy · Mayline
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Replied to ruined_diaper20
    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Replied to DaoistazVFGr

    I see why it is problematic not to leave some foreshadowing, which is what I am still dealing with. What you mentioned about personality disorder as the main plot hook wasn't actually the hook. Which is why, I admit that I made flaws in my novel, and I am learning bit by bit from them. Readers might get confused, which I am guilty of. I don't mean to leave any spoilers, but the personality trope shows about the MC's problems and background. More specifically, how he became powerful in his previous world. And that was necessary to establish the MC's character in the later chapters, focusing on cultivation (martial arts and mystical arts) solely. I also meant to create the world and believable side characters with their own story in the same novel, which is not a good approach I guess since it is a "filler". But filler is common, people even call flashbacks as filler if they were unnecessary. But literally, fillers were just breakers. Would you read a novel with just all the actions? Won't it make the scenes repetitive? So yeah, that's why I am retouching the chapters since they reek of my amateurness.

    altalt
    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented
    Yuna Xiao
    altalt
    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented
    Felicity Zhu
    altalt
    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented
    Pearl Lim
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    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented
    Lukros - Human Form
    altalt
    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented
    Jeric Long
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    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented
    Thomas Wang
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    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented
    Lucas White (MC)
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    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented
    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented

    I thought it would be a long chapter but it's not. Nevertheless, a good read.

    Ch 2 Leng Yueyan
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    Chaos Refiner
    Fantasy · Halion_
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented

    It was a nice intro. That hooked me on reading and gave me some time to think about whether I should use my time on reading. So here I am. Good read.

    Ch 1 Qin Meng
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    Chaos Refiner
    Fantasy · Halion_
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented
    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Commented
    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Replied to The_Dark_Sapphire

    i know, but i think it is really necessary to add the thoughts and explanations since it is introducing his character. probably about your preference, you might want to read a flowing story more into the plot.

    Ch 12 Third Energy
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    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail
  • yohananmikhael
    yohananmikhael1yr
    Replied to Dragon8992

    I will be adding them. I might have just used common words to describe them like fairy-like or even beautiful. Maybe even just the main details like what their aura is. So I will create an aux chapter for them so you can just easily check them.

    altalt
    Sage's Cultivation: Mage in Cultivation World
    Eastern · yohananmikhael
    detail