MelBri
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MelBri1hCommentedMaybe she's allergic to seafood or just clams? As we know from WWII, when the Allied forces fed the starving prisoners, what would seem like a normal amount of food to us would be too much for someone who has been starved for that long, and one could get sick. Foaming at the mouth, however...
Ch 8 Scared of Him- MelBri1hCommented
Consistency is lacking here! First his eyes were violet, then blue, and now a darker grey than usual. Her eyes were hazely- grey, then bright green, then moss green. I mean, eye colors can slightly change due to lighting, from shifting of moods, or from turning into a vampire or a werewolf, but were any of these reasons given? No. You're a good writer, so don't get sloppy, it's distracting...
Ch 8 Scared of Him - MelBri1dReplied to Stanky5187
Ikr?
"Yes, boss, I have acquired the item, hmm, yes, the owner of the villa is right beside me, a nobody. Understood, I will take care of it cleanly..." - MelBri1dReplied to Stanky5187
I'm sure they do!
"It's unbelievable that Lawyer Zhang Qiansheng has defeated the Procuratorate again, clearing Li Fuwen of murder charges. With this victory, could Lawyer Zhang have reached 3000 career wins?" - MelBri1dReplied to Stanky5187
No, the author probably meant a paralegal.
If he hadn't chosen to be a lawyer, but rather a legal worker, earning less money, perhaps his family would have been happy and content, arriving home to his wife's delicious cooking every day, and his daughter would happily call him daddy, enjoying the joys of family life. - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: "...laid inside a coffin for hours..."
"That would not have worked. He was a public figure, and his funeral would have been a public affair. He stopped going outside due to fear. Do you really think he would have lied inside a coffin without fidgeting for hours?" replied Zion. - MelBri7dCommented
Correction, "He, too, was scared of the assassin." or "He was also scared of the assassin." or "He was scared of the assassin, too."
Zion gulped. The fear was visible on his face. He too was scared of the assassin. "No, at first, he was a little scared because someone tried to defy his reign of terror. He was terrified after what happened to his car." - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: Leave out the comma after "audio".
Archer kept staring at him with widened eyes and open mouth. He knew the audio, the FBI was receiving right now would explode everything. There would be chaos in the field office. - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: "...The Don has really died."
"So, after the car toppled, the driver pulled him out somehow. They hid behind the car and waited to hear if another hail of bullets would come their way. But there was silence, dead silence. They had no idea that the killer had already done his job. He had killed my father with the poison. When nothing was heard for minutes, the driver hijacked a car and drove my father home. No one chased after them, no one followed them which was bizarre. The killer was so confident that he didn't even try to check if Don has really died," narrated Zion. - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: "...The Don.." Without the "The" before ("The Don"), it would just be "don", without capitalization. Your program might be autocorrecting, since "don" is also a common name from previous generations.
"Well, he was rattled after that. No one ever tried to do such a thing to him ever in his life. He was the boss, he was the Don yet someone tried to take him out. He was scared to see the marksmanship of the assassin," said Zion. - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: "He wanted to meet with the person to learn from him, but at the same time..."
"Have you noticed any tall buildings near that crossroad? There is no vantage point for an assassin to set up near that place. And the constant traffic, all day long. No one can anticipate which car will cross at what time. I just proved that to you," shouted Archer. He was shocked to his core. If such an assassin was really alive, he must be an expert and someone to be feared. He never wanted to meet with the person to learn from him but at the same time, his soul was shivering with fear. - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: "The driver tried to control the car after the bullet shot, but ..."
"No one knows but his two bodyguards who always rode with him were dead, shot in the head, direct hit, absolute bullseye. The tires of the car had bullet holes, the windshield had bullet holes. The driver tried to control the car after the bullet shot but the car toppled and hence the accident," explained Zion. - MelBri7dCommented
Corrections: "There was no evidence..." "There were bullet holes, but no bullets." "... ,but no one believed it..."
Zion kept narrating, "there was no evidence that my father was ever shot. There were bullet holes but no bullets. We only had circumstantial evidence. No matter how many times Theo told NYPD and the DA that it was an assassination no one believed it as we had no evidence and the victim, my father, was nowhere to be found. The DA refused to pursue this case." - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: "The FBI ... , too."
The vanishing of the bullets triggered Archer's memory. The FBI too took care of all the bullets when they staged the killing of Zion. Did the FBI have something to do with the assassination of Zachary? But that was against the law. No one can, no, no one must kill a person, no matter what the justification, that would be cold-blood murder. - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: "The bullets from the bodyguards' bodies, too, vanished, ..."
"The car that he was travelling in, that toppled on the road, that had bullet holes was towed to a garage under NYPD's supervision, but that car never reached that garage. No one knows what happened to the car. Hell, the bullets found in the car that was in police custody vanished. The media has a photo of a man towing the car from the road but after that, no one knows. The bullet extracted from the bodyguards' body too vanished from the ME's office," said Zion. - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: "...in police custody, vanished."
"The car that he was travelling in, that toppled on the road, that had bullet holes was towed to a garage under NYPD's supervision, but that car never reached that garage. No one knows what happened to the car. Hell, the bullets found in the car that was in police custody vanished. The media has a photo of a man towing the car from the road but after that, no one knows. The bullet extracted from the bodyguards' body too vanished from the ME's office," said Zion. - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: "A killer that would instill fear into the heart of a don would be worth meeting."
"What happened to his car?" Archer leaned forward in his chair. The story was getting more interesting with every passing minute. Now, he wanted to find that killer at any cost. A killer that would instil fear in heart of a Don was worth meeting. He must have been amazingly trained for making such killer shots. - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: "in the open"
Zion continued, "the moment he arrived we noticed something was wrong with my father. He was sweating profusely, he had a problem with his breathing, had slurred speech, droopy eyelids, he could not even swallow his spit. We urgently drove him to the hospital where we could not find our doctor. Theo was ready to shoot up the place in anger when Doctor Anthony approached us. He diagnosed him in an instant. He gave him the antitoxin and prescribed him antibiotics. He wanted to keep my father under observation, but my dad was rattled. He was shivering with fear. I had never seen him like that. No one ever dared to defy him and then someone tried to kill him in open. That crossroads had a lot of cameras, but none caught anything. Due to constant pressure and plea, we brought him back to the house. Anthony made sure that he would come back to look after him. For a few days, he recuperated in the house under heavy security. But he would wake up screaming in fear. He had constant nightmares. One night, we left him in his room and the next day he was nowhere to be found." - MelBri7dCommented
Correction: "bodyguards"
He had no idea if he should be scared or impressed with that person. First of all, he tried to do one thing that everyone was scared to do. And then his aim was on point. He killed the bodyguard by shooting them right in the head. He didn't even have any idea from how far Zachary's car was shot.