I do not think Roulan is being unreasonably sefish. She has been without sleep and haunted for a long time. She just wants it to stop. She has said time and time again she does not want to hurt Zihao but she does not feel like she has a choice. She does not want to divide him from his family. Also, there are much worse things she can do. She could have tried to get revenge, but all she wants is to live in peace.