Theres only 1 chapter here at this point so theres not much i can say, although the chapter is pretty long. The grammar is great, good word usage, the sentences flow well, it isnt all that draining when reading world lore. The mc is just really determined, i assume thats going to be a big part of his character but i hope you dont just make him a character that is just constantly trying his best, even if you do, i think it would be nice to have him go through burnouts or reality checks where he realises he cant get through everything with just determination. i assume the story will take an adventure route, sort of like a one piece inspired work where the mc tries to find some sacred treasure. But the author seems to be experienced with writing so i dont think its going to turn out terribly

Bro got those saves from undertale. man’s constantly filled with determination

Bro got that infinite wisdom buff

Bro got more drive than me, i can’t even turn off my alarm in the morning cuz its too farrr ;-;

First off the grammar is pretty good, there werent any mistakes that i really noticed on that front. i like the dynamic of the relationship between Coraline and Irene. how Coraline did something really f***ed up and that she has to keep up that secret to maintain their relationship. Theres a lot that can be done with that. I like how Coraline is protrayed as a calculating woman, and the fact that she finds rumours about her unpleasant is very human. some novels just have the characters not talk about it, or theyre portrayed as not caring which i just cant wrap my head around. The characters actually seem real with their baggage and personalities, another thing that is usually difficult for other authors. all in all i think this could be a very intriguing read for someone into this sort of novel.

Ok, so like what on earth is this level of english doing on this site. Like i think I probably got only 90% of the words, 10% required me to use context clues cuz i just didnt get it. this isnt a gripe by any means, but its really funny when theres this level of grammar use, thats also used in the dialogue. Its like some posh neighbourhood where they speak in words that are always 5 letters or more. but i do think thats sort of necessary as switching between that and regular old dialogue would be kind of weird. i think its not bad, but i just personally dont think that a story that requires you to really focus on each word is that great either. it almost made me want to just skip over certain lines. otherwise i think its alright. theres only 2 chapters by this point so theres not much i can say on the story end of things.

As your first review i dont want be harsh, but i also think that theres a lot to improve here. first off, writing quality is pretty bad. there are typos, missing quotations, sometimes sentences just dont make sense. Its a new spin on the way that the fmc goes back in time, which is nice and this could also definitely turn into some ‘feel good’ story. theres just a lot of improvement in grammar that has to be made. doesnt need to be very descriptive, just enough to make it easier for the reader to understand.

This is a review based off of only the first 2 chapters. first off, there isnt much to comment on because of the lack of chapters right now. the grammar is off, there are words missing, use of words that just arent necessary or rather dont really work, but its not so horrendous that its barely legible. I cant really say much about the story, its pretty similar from the get-go to a lot of other things ive read. Although the same points are brought up multiple times. Its good that you included some antagonists who will be playing major roles and i also like the fact that youre including a little bit of your culture in the story.

I read from the prologue till like chapter 5. This is not a style of writing im particularly used to. its very laid back, like my dad is telling me some lore about himself while casually brushing by very important details. I think fantasy is a good genre for making things dramatic in the writing and i see instances of that here, but then the previous laid back style takes over and it almost feels like a fever dream, idk its just my opinion. The story seems interesting, I think the whole phases of the world and how our mc can tap into that is cool, because you could do anything with that; theres a lot of possibilities that should definitely be taken advantage of. Also there were quite a few instances in grammar being a little shaky. its present->past->present->past all within the same paragraph, plus just some words that shouldnt be there or typos. Theres a little mystery sprinkled here and there on how the world ended or began or ended again and began again, it could get a little confusing and others have shared the same opinion. but as i said before, the topic is interesting and with good character design and an improvement in grammar, this story could be x10 better

First off, the grammar is good, not many issues with spelling of punctuation. The real problem, at least in the beginning chapters, is that it often flunctuated between good sentence structure and relatively more mediocre structure. The flow felt kinda messy with a lot of room for improvement. I can tell you’ve read alot of cultivation novels, judging by all this lore you’re dumping. It sort of made me go 😵‍💫 at some instances. I think the concept is cool and might genuinely be a good read for someone looking to pick this up 👍

The beginning is a little… could use some work, but it certainly puts you in the zone. The paragraphs and dialogue need to be separated more. I noticed you have multiple dialogue notes within the same paragraph. Sectioning it off more would be nice. the characters are nice and I think this could be a good story 👍

Also the fact that the BL is a side thing (at least I think cuz it’s yet to appear), is probably a good thing. If it started off hot and passionate, I’d probabaly be too put off to read. Romance, if it’s a big part, should be slow and rapidly pick up after a series of smaller events stretched across time

The writing is well done with a few mistakes in grammar that I noticed here and there. The dialogue is alright, pretty generic for a cultivation based novel but at least it wasn’t as clunky as others. Ba Yihan is portrayed as more of a relaxed main character but from what I’ve seen so far, his laziness is his only weakness. I’d like to see more instances where he falls down but climbs back up while fixing his negatives. The other characters haven’t interacted much, but seem sort of 2D rather than 3D. You can fix this by actually having them be correct as certain instances or include them in content where they become better or worse people by the end. Nothing overly interesting has happened as far as I’ve read, but that’s what beginnings are, they’re slow. But don’t let that stop you from pushing into 3rd gear.

It’s a trope that can certainly be used well if targeted and played out good enough. The grammar is good, with only a few mistakes I could notice. I haven’t read any major fights to see how well the author deals with challenging scenes but with how it’s played out so far, it’s not bad. The opening wasn’t as mind blowing as others I’ve read, but not the worst. So far, the story seems pretty generic with clunky dialogue at many instances. With a little sharpening around the edges, and a little more thought put in, I’m sure there can be a lot this book has to offer.

I’m not one to usually read BL but this isn’t that bad. At least it’s not as excruciatingly ”hot and steamy” from the get go. That’s usually what puts off a lot of readers who don’t necessarily like BL. The grammar is good, with good word choice and nice flow. There’s an underlying plot that’s pretty deep and that’s nice. Felt kinda disappointed after such a good opener. I thought it was going to be really story driven with a side of BL but it’s fine. Anyways good story and if you’re into BL then +++

😬

There are only 5 chapters at the time of this review. The grammar is good, with little to no errors that I could spot. The word choice on the hand was a little rough in the beginning. I feel as though there were better ways you could phrase the sentences better. Tai Jin is a pretty cool character. And the concept behind the plot is cool. This could be a good read with a little more refining

First off, the writing is superb. Not many mistakes, good use of language. I believe I have a wide vocabulary and yet I still found some new words to add. However that’s where a problem arises, the language is a bit complex, barring a lot of readers from understanding completely what a sentence is describing. The story starts out sort of slow, nothing really eye-catching that draws you in, but the descriptions are nice and allow you to picture the scenery. There is a little mystery sprinkled in throughout the chapters starting from chapter 2. Nothing too crazy but certainly present. I believe there is potential to this book, and if you are patient enough, it could be a wonderful read

Never!!! I will make you like the character I introduce, have you love them, and then kill them off as you keep reading cuz my novel has become a drug that you can’t stop taking

Stoooop, it’s not my fault ok… maybe it is but Staaaaap