Its great interesting to read but character development is disappointing sine it seems he thinks with his pants Try making his character development a little bit ruthless cunning scheming for with his personality he wont reach far For outsourcing try reading 'scoring the sacred body of the ancients from the get-go' its character development is great Also since he is from a parallel world why try bringing in the existence of different worlds corresponding to different mythology so to bring consistency

try rewriting a bit so that the plot goes nicely