See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

Alright, I'm going to post the review of this novel here since it's still fairly early on in the story to make any major judgments. (Disclaimer: Read at your own risk.) Writing Quality(4.5/5): First, I'd like to start off by saying that the writing quality is very high. Not too many grammar mistakes, the dialogue is good, and you are descriptive. I can easily paint a picture of what you're talking about in my mind. The characters also feel alive. Not perfect, but not... too flawed*. Well, maybe a bit too flawed for some things, but I think that can boil down to personal preference. But... that's about where my praise ends. So far, really, the only above-average aspect of this novel is the writing. Update Stability (5/5): Not much to say here. Story Development (2.5/5): What story? I think that pretty much sums it up perfectly, but I'll go a bit deeper. A large part of me really doesn't know what I'm reading. Is it a System novel? An OP MC novel? An Adventure story? A slice of life? What's supposed to draw me in? What's the theme here? Feels like you're trying to do everything. To me, it seems like things are all over the place. 90% of these chapters so far have been nothing but slice-of-life fluff. And that's fine, but the synopsis, tags, titles, and beginning chapters say otherwise. So far, in ~40 chapters, only a few things have happened: 1. He gets a Gate to another world and a System. 2. Little bit of character development(or introspection). 3. Meets fox. 4. Leaves other world. 5. Fluff. 6. Breakup Call/Drama 7. More fluff. We literally haven't gone anywhere. Really, only 3 semi-major yet extremely cliche events happen. You could've shortened all this down to probably about 7-10 chapters, but I feel like even that's too many. If this is an action novel, then get the ball rolling. We don't need him to be OP or a God in the first Volume, but come on. A little effort on his side would be nice. Just something there to keep us engaged. As far as where the story's going, I couldn't tell ya. While I don't think it's good to necessarily tell us what the plot is going to be straight-up, there should at least be a goal, a target, a desire, just something for the MC to follow rather than aimlessly walking around, saying he's going to "protect" someone. What steps is he going to take? I feel like taking baths and eating burgers aren't exactly steps that should be taken to "protect" the one you "love". But hey, that's just me. Character Design (2/5): While both the FML and MC feel "alive", they're incredibly dull. The MC acts like a spineless, virgin coward with an impossibly low EQ and refuses to take control of his life. I get it. Character Development. But you have to understand that finding these kinds of people in real life is similar to finding millionaires. People generally don't act like this, and it's even rarer to see them grow. If this guy needs to cheat just to have the confidence to stand up in life, is he really worthy of the cheat? Idk. Just a thought. The FML is like a cute doll(word limit) Also, the monologues! Bro. Chill with the monologues! Just get on with the story! You're holding yourself back! World Building (2/5): Is this even Earth? Where is the MC? What country? What city? Is this some fictional Earth? What about the other world? We know the grass is green and there are foxes. I know I'm exaggerating a little, but there's hardly been any mention of the world around him, in both worlds. It's still early into the novel, but you can at least provide us with a few context clues. It literally wouldn't take more than a few words to a few sentences. Overall: Not that great, but has potential. The writing quality carries it, but it's very similar to [I Got a Cheat Ability in a Different World, and Became Extraordinary Even in the Real World]. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say the first Volume of the Light Novel I just mentioned is better than this. At least in that one, things happen.

I though MC was 18. Bruh, nobody asks these questions. Nobody cares. The source of gold sold hardly matters to the buyers so long as it’s not over a certain price. Even then, as long as you haven’t committed a crime, so what? Just sell your gold. No need for all this hassle. Unless gold in his country is highly regulated, then this shouldn’t matter.

Bruh. Literally every place that deals with gold. As long as you’re not depositing millions of dollars at a time, nobody cares. Wtf

Bro is scaring me with this first chapter. Very very similar to [I Got a Cheat Ability in a Different World, and Became Extraordinary Even in the Real World] Light Novel. But, I love this concept, so as long as it’s better than that disappointing trash, then I’m sure it’ll be great lol.

Thank you very much! I appreciate the support!

I don’t read fanfics that often, but if one catches my eye, I will. If you want, send me a list of some you want me to check out.

She's in her Hybrid Form right now.

Thank you!

I’m about to join you lol

Why does there always have to be an academy…