Goren
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Consept of the story is interesting, but I think you should have written down who of the named characters is talking and thinking, and what their faces were like during those moments.For example, "'Insert character name' was frowning in anger and disgust before being their eyes went wide and their eyebrows shot up in surprise." Simple things like this I think would improve the story a bit more and make the story more readable.If the author reads this comment, then thank you taking the time to read this and I hope I gave good advice.
Narcissa's two brothers???