Nylarthothep
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THE HIVE!
I don't really agree with what you have written and I don't see it as a hesitation of his character. I see it as him not risking his life to attempt in a untrained method. If he had better control over mana I might day differently. But as it's been explained mana is extremely dangerous and should not be approached foolishly. Why do you think there was 12 steps to master prior to attempting the spell. He's not risking pain here it's his life and he's aware of that.