Verhygo
I write currently a novel. You know like everyone else. Maybe you could give it a try. I mean only if anyone is reading this. XP
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Verhygo1mthCommentedThat seems like quite a tame answer after he demolished a gang. 😂
Dawn used his phone and sent the video to Saffron before he looked at Onii. He was still thinking about what to do when his phone rang. He picked it up, and Saffron asked, "Are you alright?"- Verhygo1mthCommented
He has a very short temper that's not reflected in his usually calculating personality.
Dawn turned to look at the man standing beside Onii, and his gaze turned cold. A sharp killing intent surfaced in his heart. This man did not only disrespect his predecessor's father but also his father, the Human King of Heavens. He spoke, "How dare you, a bunch of wretched swine, compare this bug to my father? Do you have a death wish?" - Verhygo1mthCommented
This feels like a confrontation that should happen after the main character found all the information needed to discern who this is. But that didn't happen, now there's not even a point in his friend even getting any of that information instead, it made no difference to any of this...
Grace opened her eyes wide, and Onii and his men were stunned. They did not expect Dawn to speak like this. Given his initial image, the young man should be cowering in fear, but this was the opposite of that. - Verhygo1mthCommented
Remarks how weak his body is and immediately starts a fight.
When has the Prince of Humans taken such a pompous attitude lightly? The burly guy was irritated and moved his backhand to slap Dawn. He wanted to teach this arrogant poser a lesson. Dawn was not to be taken lightly. He watched the hand move and tilted his head to the side, and the slap hit nothing but air. - Verhygo1mthCommented
Is that a personal insult? 😂
Dawn knew that a big park was near his house, where he could easily practice. After running for some time, his steps grew heavy, and his breathing became ragged. He sighed as he thought about how weak his body was at present. - Verhygo1mthCommented
Conspiracy theorists clenching their fists victoriously.
Dawn thought about the more pressing issue and began looking for things like spirit beasts and treasures. He found a few brief mentions that did not make sense to him. The concept of spiritual cultivation was just a fantasy to many people. He thought about something and understood that those who can use spiritual power must be manipulating the knowledge. - Verhygo1mthCommented
If he had to make the investigation himself, he wouldn't know who they were yet. That could have added some mystery.
It was not hard for him to understand who could be observing them, or rather her. The people must be from Snake's gang, posted here to observe Grace. Dawn did not have the time to care about anyone. He was too weak to take any action at this moment. - Verhygo1mthCommented
You don't really have to announce that observation directly, it was already quite well indicated by her behaviour.
Dawn nodded with a faint smile before he vanished around the turn in the stairwell. The young lady took a few minutes to calm her emotions and mumbled, "What happened to him? He looks so different than how I have always seen him. Could it be that near-death experience bought out this change?." - Verhygo1mthCommented
That's a very sensible observation.
When he opened his eyes, it was already evening, and he was famished. Dawn stood up from the floor and looked at the sticky sweat covering his body. He bathed and mumbled, "I wish to go and cultivate under a waterfall. Forget the advantage. At least, I would be free from these showers." - Verhygo1mthCommented
I feel like it could have been a lot of fun to have the two discover that development together, since the plot point had been raised in the first chapter.
She even called for the police's help, but after a casual remark, Onii was allowed to walk away. He found that you and Grace Verse frequently meet and are neighbors, so he came after you thinking you have a leg with her. He has a handle on Trevor. That is why the idol Class Monitor is doing his bidding like a dog." - Verhygo1mthCommented
You admitted earlier that you didn't actually see him there, and that you had no evidence. Now it's just considered a fact?
Dawn looked at the fleeting scenery outside the place and said, "I wish to find out why Class Monitor Trevor plotted against me. What was the reason?" - Verhygo1mthCommented
The previous sentence already establishes that she sees him as a sibling through dialogue, why the exposition?
Saffron and Dawn have only been friends for a year but rarely had any intersections before that. It was always said that time was only relative, which was true in their case. They had taken each other as siblings and looked after each other to the best of their abilities. - Verhygo1mthCommented
Very human moment, and relatable. Good work author.
Dawn laughed sheepishly from the inside and opened the door to peek out. He found Saffron looking at him with a gaze brimming with sarcasm. Dawn extended his hand to take the paper bag as he said, "You are so thoughtful, Saffie. Thank you." - Verhygo1mthCommented
Why be surprised, you are literally acting like a different person. 😂
Dawn was surprised, and then he chuckled at her remark. He asked, "When can I leave this monotonous place?" - Verhygo1mthCommented
I'm surprised he even has to say that, considering they have been friends for a while.
Dawn shook his head and said, "You should cherish your time with them, Saffie. You realize their true value only when you lose someone you love." - Verhygo1mthCommented
Now he is possessing him, that does contract your earlier statement of him living this life.
The predecessor's consciousness calmed down, and after a brief pause, Dawn sensed the tightness around his heart gradually relaxing. He was not lying when he said he would make those people pay. Dawn may have possessed this body, but now it belonged to him. - Verhygo1mthCommented
You said earlier that he was reincarnated, now he refers to the previous life as a predecessor and a separate entity that is now put to rest. If that is meant as a metaphor, fine, but else it's just confusing, if not inconsistent.
The remnant of his predecessor's consciousness was getting agitated as Dawn looked into the memories. He sighed and thought, 'Do not worry. You were a man who followed the path of virtue. The heavenly abode of souls is where you should rest. Your body is now my body. Your karma is now my karma, and so is your life. I will make all of them pay for what they did to you.' - Verhygo1mthCommented
Why does he threaten the Dragons for what he admitted to be responsible for? He killed the envoy, he chose to take the punishment, and yet he's still angry at them?
However, in his rage, he killed the Dragon Prince and was tried in the court of the human emperor. His father had to choose between him and the rest of humanity. Dawn chose self-sacrifice over war. He did not regret what he did and even swore that one day he would return and kill his way through the dragon palace. - Verhygo1mthCommented
Shouldn't she bring something to drink, because of the dehydration? Or is there an intravenous infusion on him?
Saffron nodded and said, "Yes, you should rest. I will get some food from the cafeteria in the meantime. It would be best if you were hungry. After all, you have been unconscious for three days."