Just here to enjoy some novel
Ghost targets family, right? Maybe they family. Doubtful thou gh
The same he has with fors
Hmm, freebies. I suppose they count as that.
Kill -> killed
Town -> tone
Huh, honestly surprised the actual name is still given. Seems npcs are naked infront of players.
Ah interesting, manipulate others to get a chance to issue a quest…
Although I was able to understand the explaination, it was quite difficult. Recommend you edit things like this first when you get to it 👍
I honestly have no complaints about this story thus far. The premise for a great story is there and you are executing it quite well. The grammar causes no problems and you are doing well in developing your own world. I look forward in slowly catching up to the most recent chapter. Will probably update this once I have caught up, whenever that is…:)
This book in my opinion has a lot of potential. The idea is most definitely. However two problems exist atm that stand out the most to me. 1. The constant switching between present and past tense at inappropriate times. This is resulting in the idea you are setting out failing to hit its target. Also makes it harder to read. 2. As someone said before me, the potential for the story based on the background info you just gave is there. However it needs more, or so it seems. Perhaps fixing problem one would result in problem two being resolved.
Also is the disease singular? Also try to keep in same tense, can -> could. (Possibly)
Earth flourish more than even - this sounds wrong. Earth was flourishing might be better?
A temporary review. Will be changed to better fit the actual story later. The first few chapters so far struggle a lot with keeping the correct tense and overall grammar needs some work. The idea behind a story is most definitely there. Just not applied in the best way. Will edit after 30 Ch. or less if I don’t make it that far…
So he is in a game with players already in it? if so, he better be careful…
This can be shocking depending on your audience. Not sure if your familiar with one of the biggest problems kids have in the US. (suicide/depression) which usually comes from them feeling like they can’t talk to their parents. So with no info on this father, the idea that he would be willing to do such a thing surprises some as we tend to portray our own life ideas when reading. Also common trend for novels have the Mc tell another and it comes to back to bite them. Ofc I’m unsure who’s actually reading this, but that’s my bit. Sorry bout the rant!
Good thing about this, no 5 6 7 8 9 or weird stars that just keep showing up… hopefully?