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ReadingAlchemist

ReadingAlchemist

Lv11

nice guy

2020-01-17 JoinedGermany
133.2h

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  • ReadingAlchemist
    ReadingAlchemist2yr
    Commented

    "mercenary group" nice chapter btw

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Author's POV
    Fantasy · Entrail_JI
    detail
  • ReadingAlchemist
    ReadingAlchemist2yr
    Commented

    Found it very good with the debt of the parents guild. Now Ren has a goal (removing the debt) and the foreshadowing of a strong emotional bond with the family makes it an even better motivation. Furthermore, the fact that Emma lives also in the northern district creates a very good chance for character development, especially considering that she isn't bound to the MCs(novel) group dynamic. Additionally, you can now place the infodump in the dialogue between Emma (which because of her recourses and heritage has probably a vast network of connections) and Ren which is also good.

    Ch 75 Homecoming [2]
    altalt
    The Author's POV
    Fantasy · Entrail_JI
    detail
  • ReadingAlchemist
    ReadingAlchemist2yr
    Commented

    It was a good try using names to make clear that the Hollberg arc was a tragedy but I couldn't feel any sad atmosphere in this chapter. Especially since the arc ended the last chapter could be because of the time skip but from a reader's perspective, I feel it's been a bit skipped. Furthermore, you should probably integrate the parents into the main plot and make a "promise", because the incoming arc kinda feels like a filler now and even though u probably will link it later, it currently doesn't look very interesting, Last arc was pretty good tho.

    Ch 74 Homecoming [1]
    altalt
    The Author's POV
    Fantasy · Entrail_JI
    detail