The Intro was very interesting and sets the action in motion. Good job! That’s the hardest thing to do. The room for improvement that I can pick up are: Stay in one tense; I’ve noticed the story switches from past to present tense sometimes And lastly, instead of telling that the MC is going to cry, showing the emotions of nostalgia is a much better approach. I actually had a lot of trouble doing that myself. Overrall, it was a fantastic intro

If you can't take a critique, don't be an author. If you don't like editors, then edit it yourself or see your downfall. That's how writing works.

That's why quality dropped. Why write something that you're going to later say, I'm not proud of it. Waste of time if the author doesn't continuously revise. With quality, there will be quantity at some point, and I'm pretty sure your writing has deteriorated because you want quantity. When passion fades, so does quality.

Instead of fixing and saying thanks, you replied with a very condescending response.

Thank you for your thoughts and comment! It means a lot to me as an author! The plan is 1 chapter on Friday every week b/c I have a lot of class readings and assignments, however, depending on the difficulty of the chapter, I'll release 2 chapters in one week. The editing process takes a lot of time as well. I had to make 6 drafts for just chapter 5 lol. I will try to speed up the release whenever I have time, for sure! :)

This could’ve been a mystery that the mc could later explore after trial and error, however, It’s not a mystery anymore. lost potential

For future references, don’t write, “krune doesnt know the implications of today’s words.” Or use “this” Many writers suffer from this style of wrting as it is easy to tell a story, but very hard to make a good story unless it’s from an omipotent god telling the story in first person.

Shameless review from the author. He quite likes how the story is developing and will continue to improve his writing and everything. He’s currently editing chapters 1-4 to make them EVEN BETTER! Honestly, he wants to know If his audiences are enjoying the story, so please let him know.

Thank you!

It paints a nice picture, but never use obviously when telling or showing a story. It has a very awkward feel to it.

Have you heard of concrete language? Recently, I just found out about it. I've been trying to integrate it into my writings, and it has a lot of improvement. When writing about something like this, try to make it special. A lot of writers unconsciously write generic scenes like this. We give the readers broad words and leave them to their imagination. I'll try my best to rewrite this a small part of this: He sensed everything up to 10 meters around him. He could feel the dust floating and swirling around him. He could feel the wind crawling under his clothes, as it gently lifts it up by mere centimeters, alleviating the accumulated heat from the exercises, leaving Alfonso refreshed.

Remember to put the adverb before the verb. Quickly recovering from his run Quickly is describing the recovering. As he kept his eyes closed, Alfonso took long deep breaths, quickly recovering from his run.

"How could she ever understand us?" Nik muttered, clearly annoyed. Your English is a lot better than most stories on here, and it's clear, with minor grammatical errors. Keep up the good work!