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Xul

Xul

Lv10

Don’t mind my comments, authors/fellow readers. I simply comment to express my opinion, which you can take with a grain of salt. Just know that I sincerely admire anyone that could write.

2019-08-25 JoinedUnited Kingdom
635.6h

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878
  • Xul
    Xul1yr
    Commented

    That was too large of an info dump.

    Ch 3 Strange happenings
    altalt
    Renewal and Rebirth
    Fantasy · F_Riley
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul1yr
    Commented

    Metal? Quite the unusual taken on cultivation.

    "It happens occasionally, Diane, usually when someone melds with metal past the copper stage. Remember, the higher the electron counts the metal contains, the more connections and channels need to be opened and linked. These additional connections and channels mean that the corresponding meridians will need to be more robust to contain and direct those energies.
    altalt
    Renewal and Rebirth
    Fantasy · F_Riley
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    Continuing on Vedoril’s point about “quirky narration”, The comments are assuming that we have the same interests as you, the author. I.e, “like Kirito..”, “Like the weeb he is”, etc. Just because we like your writing, does not mean we also share your interests. In my opinion, holding off from narrating under that assumption could allow your work to reach a broader audience. If you want to do that anyways.

    Ch 10 EM: Derek vs Hiro
    altalt
    Incubus's Curse: Path To Incubism
    Urban · TurtleMaster6319
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    “He was listening to” “If I say so myself” That doesn’t fit. Is Hiro saying that or is it an A/N? “He was watching Tina” ???

    But forget about them, because as he was listening to Peter talk about his new lego set! Which was pretty fucking awesome if I do say so myself. He was watching Tina.
    altalt
    Incubus's Curse: Path To Incubism
    Urban · TurtleMaster6319
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Replied to Xul

    Oh, and I don’t think locations (or objectives? Why?) should be left out like that. Could just integrate them into the paragraphs.

    Ch 3 Foreign blood boiling in the starlight
    altalt
    Incubus's Curse: Path To Incubism
    Urban · TurtleMaster6319
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    The novel switches between dark and serious to/from light and comedic quite often. Intentional or not, it feels chaotic yet not random. I like it. The style this chapter begins in adds on to it rather nicely too. Though, not sure if switching PoVs is the right call. At least not as often and not as soon.

    Ch 3 Foreign blood boiling in the starlight
    altalt
    Incubus's Curse: Path To Incubism
    Urban · TurtleMaster6319
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Posted

    TL:DR: Whether it is based on a movie I haven’t watched or a question I haven’t asked, I do not care. 10 chapters in, for a Sci-Fi, it is not great. For a short story, it is not great. —————————————————— Sure, the author had done their homework, but why focus on the past, when the novel is based on the future? Should the homework not be about the future? Should there not be any theories based on the current development of technologies? For example, for water “creation”, there is a full paper based on water extraction from martian soil, why not use that instead of “recycle water from urine, faeces and BREATHING?” Here is another example, “oxygen has to be extracted from water”? Really? MOXIE doesn’t matter to the author then? Or is it because that technology hadn’t come out by the time this was published, thus the author did not care enough to put more research and thought into it? A final example although there are many others, (not just on the survival side, there is also, e.g, the “one-sided lander” concept) the lack of food. The author could not come up with a theory to make any ‘farm’ despite having a FULLY SENTIENT AI. Really? “Homework” is all fine and dandy, but hard Sci-Fi needs more than just that. And sure, all these points could be countered at later chapters, which brings me to my next points. —————————————————— There is not much to talk about regarding the various settings in merely 10 chapters, but characters, even if they are in a white small blank room, could achieve a lot in a story (with a good plot, obviously). Sadly, this story does not have that. ML: “I am still a virgin”, comedic, may be funny to some, but shouldn’t there be more details about himself? The author surely did not want us to relate to a character in mars simply from those lines. Right..? I wouldn’t talk about the characteristics of their behaviour as some might say, “to each their own”. However, even then, there should still be realism about their behaviour so that they aren’t outside the norm of characters. By that, I mean surviving for the sake of survival is not a great motivator. There should be another such as searching for Earth, terraforming mars, just leaving the planet, etc. If I were to say what this character represents, it would be satire as there is no realism to it. AI: I completely fail to understand why this character is a character. We can’t relate to it (it is a robot without feelings), we can’t hate it (again, it is a robot without feelings), we can’t like it as, so far, it’s just been there to calculate. If I were to say what it represents, I would say it is to support ML’s satire. FL: 10 chapters in, nothing remarkable. Except that opposite from ML who is calm, she is anxious. This character might be the only one with depth, despite only appearing on a handful of paragraphs. The author may have done their “physics homework”, but they forgot the more important one, the homework about stories. —————————————————— This was an award-winning story? How..? Had Chinese Sci-Fi literature fallen that low? What a shame. P.S1: Nothing against the translator, I’m simply taking that review as the author’s words, as the TL seems more knowledgeable about them. BTW, does not matter to me even if the translation is MTL as long as the characters and plot are good enough. P.S2: I am using “they” as a third-person pronoun, in full knowledge of “author” being singular both in form and as an individual.

    altalt
    Dead on Mars
    Sci-fi · Tian Rui Shuo Fu
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    In my opinion, the pacing so far has been great; the author knew when and where to place each narrative. However, the way those narratives are made is one of the ways I dislike. Every plot point so far, as far as I can tell, was foretold by at least 1-3 characters (MC, Kyle, or other characters). It would be nice to leave a bit of tension for us readers. —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—- Syntax and grammar have been lacklustre (vocabulary mistakes, punctuation mistakes, article mistakes, etc.), truth be told, but not at the incomprehensible level. I don’t expect the author to be a linguist, so it’s just a minor issue; I won’t comment further. —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—- The dialogue could be improved a bit by describing what the characters felt at the moment of speaking more, as well as having the dialogues be more reasonable in affecting who the dialogue is said towards. Every speech so far failed miserably at that. Saying “this impacted them heavily” towards an unimpressive unimpactful dialogue is horrid. —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—- On the topic of descriptions, I wish the environment, scenery, and the characters’ appearance could be more vividly described because I currently am unable to remember any details about the MCs appearance because of how rarely it is described (partially because I’m not too great at memorising) —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—- I'm not too fond of more things, but I also like many more things about it. I’d better leave them all on a proper review (If I ever do one) instead, though.

    Ch 73 Space and Body Powers
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    This is too boring. Please, let us keep guessing.

    Besides, how could a Prince be assigned to guard a low level dungeon?
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented
    "Oof." Varian nodded and opened her contact.
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Replied to Apostle_of_Noice

    It was meant to be, “I’ll help THE others” since he went ahead and did just that after he said it. This hasn’t been the only case where an article was missing, but it is strange that they only appeared after the first 20 or so chapters.

    "I'll help others." Varian grinned and walked towards his teammates.
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    There had been too much foreshadowing; there is no suspense if we are constantly told what would happen next.

    Ch 63 Special Location
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    The level 6 could just be too weak.

    'Is everything fake?' Varian gazed down from his hover car as it dashed down the airway.
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    You can go with Kyle.

    So, basically Varian had zero merit points now and needed some merit points before 45th to not get expelled. The major source of merit points, merit points was a team game. He'd not be let into any teams. That also meant he'd likely not any merit points from missions.
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Replied to Abz_S_J

    I have to agree with the OP partially. The time he spends here studying/worrying over MP could be spent somewhere that helps him get stronger faster (a dungeon, as dangerous as it may be, essentially). If he were to be a sovereign or even whatever level he needs to graduates, would they not just give him whatever info he needs, or at least have him do highly rewarding missions? His plan (this plot point) is flawed when it’s in this setting with a half-a-cheat system.

    'Ugh. I think I'll just focus on getting mp and growing stronger. It's not like I came here for friends… even though it would be nice to have a few.'
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    Quite comical. If you hadn’t forced them to run away from you to the city, would you not have gotten first? You inadvertently shot yourself in the foot because of your ego.

    'Why?! If you just died, I would've been first. Now everyone says I'm inferior to that bastard Charles.' His blood boiled, and he was barely holding it in.
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    There’s a decent quote about that topic... If I recall correctly, it goes, “One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter.” For all you know, the big and small four could have labelled them as terrorists for stealing from them to help humanity.

    'But aren't they supposed to be terrorists?'
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    Here’s my bet; before/after you kill 10 knights, you’ll come across something they depend on for a plan against humanity. You’ll stop it, but before you manage to escape afterwards, the level 4 will hunt you down.

    "Haha! Now I only need to get out of this goddamn place~ I can kill 10 Abyssal Knights with my current strength and qualify for the Academy!" Varian laughed in excitement.
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    Seems like it will be fulfilled.

    Kyle looked at Varian rushing to the Abyssal and muttered "I'll save you one day." He rushed to the exit and through the falling debris, he jumped out.
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail
  • Xul
    Xul2yr
    Commented

    I like this path more than the mind path. It can do things on a universal scale.

    Congratulations on awakening in your second Divine path.]
    altalt
    Divine Path System
    Fantasy · _Transcendent
    detail