batuhan
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batuhan1hCommentedMC doesnt sound like a 13 y/o. Especially highly skilled in multiple martial arts and doesn't have a social life as implied but also know many fictions... He literally just gained sentienty. Biologically, couple of years before, he shouldnt be able understand abstract concepts. Why not age him couple of years? 15-16 would be less unbelivable and more relatable...
Ch 2 Chapter II: Root of Realities- batuhan1dCommented
nice chapter. I have several bad thoughts about this fiction. but MC's this matureness was very nice to read.
"In the future, I need to pay more attention to the people around me..." Riezel whispered, smiling as he gazed at the girl in his arms. "Thank you for helping me realize this important lesson, Ais..." - batuhan1dCommented
very hateful things...
"Fufu, let him be..." Freya shook her head with a chuckle. "That child has always been one to hold a grudge. Last time, he did some hateful things on my orders and ended up getting hurt. Now, the one he fought with has leveled up to Level 5, so it's only natural he's in a bad mood." - batuhan1dCommented
again, surplus information.
She still had to go check on her little cat (Allen) who got accidentally injured due to her own mischievous sense of humor. - batuhan1dCommented
you can write this line without "Freya, huh?" because in previous and following words, we understood it.
"Freya, huh?" Loki had this unpleasant look. "Why would a nympho like you even show up here? Ain't you busy with your horny pets?" - batuhan1dCommented
At the start of the chapter, you should write "3 weeks later" or make more lines that implies time passed. It was offputting in this way.
"His growth speed was astonishing. In just over a month, he went from being an ordinary mortal who had never received a blessing to someone who achieved incredible feats repeatedly. In that short time, he leveled up from Level 1, a low-class adventurer, to Level 4, a second-class adventurer. The Guild was so surprised that they sent people to Twilight Manor several times to verify." - batuhan2dCommented
are there more? Will they act as a deus ex machine seeing that you didnt share them?
[7: ...] - batuhan2dCommented
very undoubtly...
The only difference was that he was almost thirty in his previous life, while the Riezel of this world had just turned seventeen, undoubtedly much younger. - batuhan2dReplied to Iceling
Same 😅 couldn’t last long
A brief silence followed, then the voice conceded, "As you wish, sir. Potter's Protagonist Invincibility would remain unchanged. The world and its inhabitants are unable to fatally wound, maim or control you. However, do keep in mind your friends would suffer greater harm for as long as they stay by your side." - batuhan2dReplied to Iceling
Yeah but the belief of that he can defeated is make it interesting in every other fiction right? You know Naruto wont be losing, you also know luffy wont be losing but it is still thrilling to watch them as if they could lose. From the start MC described as ‘invicible’, it will be a hard task to make it interesting and intriguing. And honestly, I dont believe it will be achieved here.
A brief silence followed, then the voice conceded, "As you wish, sir. Potter's Protagonist Invincibility would remain unchanged. The world and its inhabitants are unable to fatally wound, maim or control you. However, do keep in mind your friends would suffer greater harm for as long as they stay by your side." - batuhan4dCommented
adventurer*
" I want to be an adventure." I spoke. - batuhan4dCommented
elevator women?
" Alright." The Wolfman spoke as he watched me unlock the elevator woman's cell. - batuhan5dCommented
what?
This paragraph has been deleted. - batuhan5dReplied to larkin_klarkin
it is stupid when you take into account the previous chapter's content which is doesn't require prioritization.
A YEAR AGO - batuhan5dCommented
Why? So far everything ultra-explained but the insistance of these attacks just downgraded to ‘I just have to’. No he is not. He can reevaluate and change the whole operation. This event is inconsistent with the whole setting of the fiction where everything overexplained and rationalized. You have to convince the readers.
Lucas watches the news silently, his stomach twisting with unease. What if I'm making things worse? What if my actions are pushing the world closer to war? For a moment, he once more feels a hint of doubt, but it's quickly pushed aside by determination. No, I can't let myself be swayed by fear. I have to keep going, no matter the cost. - batuhan5dCommented
Which should be 0
Harry lingered behind, a silent observer, as Vernon approached Petunia. "We're going to the bank to establish a trust," Vernon stated simply, "with Harry as the beneficiary and me acting as the trustee. It's a way for him to invest the earnings from his published papers." - batuhan12dPosted
This is good. Writing is nice and fun to read. Story itself is intriguing. I don’t need to know mc’s background or any irrelevant history of his. His actions speaks louder. But having a stonefaced, uninterested by anything vibe of mc becoming boring. If he doesn’t have fun, scare, rage or yearn for anything, why should we read it?
- batuhan12dCommented
Can’t a gift be from Naruto universe and mental at the same time? Also can be unique and mental at the same time. I did not understand the classification at here. Why Naruto, unique and mental?
"Just like in those novels you liked to read you will get 3 gifts. One will be from the Naruto universe, one will be a unique gift, and the last will be a mental gift. Whether you can consider them cheats or not is up to what and how you use them. But, they should be enough to give you a leg up in this new world you'll find yourself in."