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HANA_4345

HANA_4345

Lv3

Amateur writer. Please leave your review! IG Account: @thebookwormpotato Discord: HANA #5052

2019-07-17 JoinedGlobal
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Writing

20.8h

of reading

307

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Badges

14

Moments

152
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Replied to Insaf_Imthiyas

    I won't say it's my best writing since it's my first story, but I do hope you could give it a chance. You can be honest commenting if there's anything not of your liking. It will help me to improve my writing style.😄

    altalt
    The Trials of Love
    Fantasy ¡ HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Posted

    So... not exactly a review, but a post to give you some sort of an idea of what the characters in the story looks like... by the way have fun reading you all!!!! (btw, not giving myself a 5 star rating since I know there is room for improvement)

    altalt
    I Can Only Summon Cannon Fodders to Survive the Apocalypse!
    Fantasy ¡ HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Replied to Thicc_Lil_Unit
    "Sam, I think that would be possible," Tyson interrupted, "What if we are in reality characters from a story. You know like in those superhero comics! Where there are alternate universes, variants of us! Oh… that would suddenly explain the zombies, Viviane's ice powers. We are the side characters of this story! I'm the comic relief, you are the female sidekick who is more powerful than the MC, Viviane is the mentor of the MC, and Lynn he is the MC!" Tyson was excited. He looked like a five-year-old kid very proud of his deduction.
    altalt
    I Can Only Summon Cannon Fodders to Survive the Apocalypse!
    Fantasy ¡ HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Replied to Wishful_thinker1
    altalt
    A Thousand Petals to Heaven
    Urban ¡ HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Replied to caligarcia87

    Poor Lynn is so average that maybe if he commits a crime no one would be able to describe his features because of how average he is.😆

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    I Can Only Summon Cannon Fodders to Survive the Apocalypse!
    Fantasy ¡ HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Replied to Brian_Hanes_117

    Not saying that people won't read it, but like you said, as what happens with all sequels, people will compare. That's what I meant with a big shoe to fill.

    altalt
    Avatar: Macai's Journey
    Anime & Comics ¡ Brian_Hanes_117
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Posted

    So the writing is overall great. What are my worries for the author though... Everyone knows a bit of what Avatar is about (even those who are not fan knows the main idea of the story). So you do have a big pair of shoes to fill. As for how the story is going, the pace is good. There are no unnecessary info. I don't really read fan-fic, but from the chapters I read, I can do a good bet that this is a very well-written fan-fic, it's on par to the OG stories here.

    altalt
    Avatar: Macai's Journey
    Anime & Comics ¡ Brian_Hanes_117
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Replied to Sin_KG08

    hahaha... you've got a good eye. I'm still experimenting with writing style... thank you for giving it a read even though is not your cup of tea :) have a great day/night!

    altalt
    A Thousand Petals to Heaven
    Urban ¡ HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Replied to LucienNg
    altalt
    A Thousand Petals to Heaven
    Urban ¡ HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Replied to LucienNg

    She really do have all the reasons to burn those people alive! Not one ounce of remorse.

    altalt
    Young Master Adrian Of Winford
    Fantasy ¡ LucienNg
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Posted

    So....so far we've got an MC who loves martial arts, gods in mythology and fairies. This could go wrong in so many ways (since there are so many things added to the story) if the author isn't careful in the storytelling. For the time being though, it sounds itneresting enought to captivate the audience. Keep up the work[img=recommend]

    altalt
    Sanctuary God
    Fantasy ¡ Sin_KG08
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Commented

    is he a kid or a monkey... I'm starting to think about the latter... or... maybe a mutant kid-monkey

    The kid said to himself before letting go of the tree as he pushed himself forward with his feet reaching higher into the air, doing small flips and spins in the air before landing with force against the ground.
    altalt
    Sanctuary God
    Fantasy ¡ Sin_KG08
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Commented

    kimono*

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Sanctuary God
    Fantasy ¡ Sin_KG08
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Replied to Arkbrave
    altalt
    A Thousand Petals to Heaven
    Urban ¡ HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Posted

    Nice!!! So the story begins with our character being betrayed, which is a good way to captivate your readers' attention (it definitely grabbed mine). This story may be a total hit if the author keeps updating it. [img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend] Definitely nothing to rant about.

    altalt
    Rise Of Steele
    Sci-fi ¡ Arkbrave
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Posted

    Good grammar. Good character design. For the time being I don't think that you could call Adelaide an anti-hero (for now she looks more like the victim, maybe I'm wrong though). There's a good pacing for the story and it's a page turner. Great job author![img=recommend]

    altalt
    Young Master Adrian Of Winford
    Fantasy ¡ LucienNg
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Commented

    Action*

    Gu Shu grinned as she found an opening. "It's not like those games! The Other World is an Acton adventure type with many story modes and you can progress on your own. I heard some say that playing it might even invoke the Qi centre in you!"
    altalt
    VRMMORPG: The Other World Online
    Games ¡ Anji_King
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Commented

    hehehehe... that "subtle" reference.

    Qi Awakening was the result of the body vaccinating itself against the C virus that killed millions during the 2020s.
    altalt
    VRMMORPG: The Other World Online
    Games ¡ Anji_King
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Replied to Subtorren

    Great! Maybe you should put a small note on one of your chapters to clear that. Just so that your readers know its not like you forgot about it, but that it's all planned.

    This book has been deleted.
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    Posted

    So... as I always do in my reviews I like to pinpoint the strong parts of it first. There's definitely good character design and story development. Just a small suggestion, not really something that you need to follow through if you don't want to. You should develop a bit more your world background. Is our MC on Earth? How come there are 9 worlds? Is this an AU? Why did our MC's father fought monsters? There are a lot of questions with no answers. A bit of detail about all this will make the story better. Also as a bonus point, it will make your reader have a better idea of what to imagine when reading your story. So, what you must improve so your story can be a success. 1. Capital letters. I saw that proper names lacked capital letters. The beginning of paragraphs lacked capital letters. Even your title lacked capital letters (don't know if that last one is intentional though). Just by editing that, your story will look more polished. 2. If you are unsure of your grammar you may use a writing software like Microsoft Word, or just download Grammarly and use it on Chrome. Both work well for writers who are just starting. Hope this review was helpful, and I hope that I didn't sound too harsh.

    This book has been deleted.