HANA_4345
Amateur writer. Please leave your review! IG Account: @thebookwormpotato Discord: HANA #5052
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Poor Lynn is so average that maybe if he commits a crime no one would be able to describe his features because of how average he is.đ
So the writing is overall great. What are my worries for the author though... Everyone knows a bit of what Avatar is about (even those who are not fan knows the main idea of the story). So you do have a big pair of shoes to fill. As for how the story is going, the pace is good. There are no unnecessary info. I don't really read fan-fic, but from the chapters I read, I can do a good bet that this is a very well-written fan-fic, it's on par to the OG stories here.
So....so far we've got an MC who loves martial arts, gods in mythology and fairies. This could go wrong in so many ways (since there are so many things added to the story) if the author isn't careful in the storytelling. For the time being though, it sounds itneresting enought to captivate the audience. Keep up the work[img=recommend]
is he a kid or a monkey... I'm starting to think about the latter... or... maybe a mutant kid-monkey
Nice!!! So the story begins with our character being betrayed, which is a good way to captivate your readers' attention (it definitely grabbed mine). This story may be a total hit if the author keeps updating it. [img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend] Definitely nothing to rant about.
Action*
hehehehe... that "subtle" reference.
Great! Maybe you should put a small note on one of your chapters to clear that. Just so that your readers know its not like you forgot about it, but that it's all planned.
So... as I always do in my reviews I like to pinpoint the strong parts of it first. There's definitely good character design and story development. Just a small suggestion, not really something that you need to follow through if you don't want to. You should develop a bit more your world background. Is our MC on Earth? How come there are 9 worlds? Is this an AU? Why did our MC's father fought monsters? There are a lot of questions with no answers. A bit of detail about all this will make the story better. Also as a bonus point, it will make your reader have a better idea of what to imagine when reading your story. So, what you must improve so your story can be a success. 1. Capital letters. I saw that proper names lacked capital letters. The beginning of paragraphs lacked capital letters. Even your title lacked capital letters (don't know if that last one is intentional though). Just by editing that, your story will look more polished. 2. If you are unsure of your grammar you may use a writing software like Microsoft Word, or just download Grammarly and use it on Chrome. Both work well for writers who are just starting. Hope this review was helpful, and I hope that I didn't sound too harsh.