Lexi_Roberson
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Lexi_Roberson2yrReplied to Book_KeeperCh 4 Chapter Three/ The White Room- Lexi_Roberson2yrReplied to kayleeee_reneeee
I can make out a list of questions that could help you if you want? Just let me know if you want me to.
There once was a girl named Leah. She had long red hair and emerald green eyes. She lived in the outskirts of London with her mom, dad, and older brother. It was nearing her 16th birthday. she was eager to see all her friends and to talk with them. She arranged for her friends to come to her house at 12:00 pm. She got up early in the morning of her birthday. She got her birthday dress ready the night before. She put it on, it was blue and came below her knees. She went down stairs to see the presents, balloons and streamers filling the room. Then her friends started to arrive. They all sat down around the living room and talked for hours. Then her friends gave her presents one by one. She got little things like shirts, jeans, and a bracelet her friend Cam made, but there was one thing that when she saw it she was amazed. It was a gold locket that her parents gave her with a family photo from the beach in it. she gave her parents a big hug and then put it on, she said she would never take it off. - Lexi_Roberson2yrCommented
Again, all I see wrong is the grammar on it. Just make sure you are capitalizing things when writing. I understand if your using a phone, its a lot harder to do on there. I think the story could use a little more flow to it from the previous chapter if you ended it there. Overall it really is good so far! Good luck. :)
Ch 2 chapter 2/ The Thief - Lexi_Roberson2yrCommented
I have a question. Is this a short book, or are you going to be adding more to the first chapter? I am just curious. I think it was really good so far. Maybe check on the grammar. I always say use Grammarly, if you can't just make sure some things are capitalized. I seen a few sentences where "She" wasn't capitalized, it looked like this "she" instead of "She". Overall really good on this chapter so far. :)
There once was a girl named Leah. She had long red hair and emerald green eyes. She lived in the outskirts of London with her mom, dad, and older brother. It was nearing her 16th birthday. she was eager to see all her friends and to talk with them. She arranged for her friends to come to her house at 12:00 pm. She got up early in the morning of her birthday. She got her birthday dress ready the night before. She put it on, it was blue and came below her knees. She went down stairs to see the presents, balloons and streamers filling the room. Then her friends started to arrive. They all sat down around the living room and talked for hours. Then her friends gave her presents one by one. She got little things like shirts, jeans, and a bracelet her friend Cam made, but there was one thing that when she saw it she was amazed. It was a gold locket that her parents gave her with a family photo from the beach in it. she gave her parents a big hug and then put it on, she said she would never take it off. - Lexi_Roberson2yrReplied to d_elfeCh 20 Domestic man
- Lexi_Roberson3yrReplied to outpost76
I do know what some are those things are! I felt that as I reread it to get a different understanding of how it could be improved. As it is being rewritten those things I thought were kinda glossed over, certain issues that bring the true realism value to my book alive. I would love to hear what you think as well on those complaints. For now I'm considering this a rough draft lol!
- Lexi_Roberson3yrReplied to outpost76
- Lexi_Roberson3yrReplied to d_elfe
I will check it out as soon as I can!!!
This paragraph has been deleted. - Lexi_Roberson3yrReplied to d_elfe
Yes I am not for sure though. My sister let me borrow her paper copy, but Im sure you can find it on Amazon. Most books are on there anyways lol!!
Tristan sighed then; she looked so defeated. So weary. Such a shame to diminish her good disposition when she was a delight. Like an angel roaming the earth, pushed to protect herself and hide her inner light. - Lexi_Roberson3yrReplied to d_elfe
yay!!! let me know when it's comes out!!! I know right!!!
This paragraph has been deleted. - Lexi_Roberson3yrReplied to d_elfe
Lol sorry just now replying to this. My mind is so hectic right now. Ok thank you!!! I will hold onto my question further until I see the answer. Lol you mean punctuation??? Sorry grammar girl over here!! Ok, I will be looking into it. I do have a question, when you update a chapter of your story, does it send out an announcement to everyone???
This paragraph has been deleted. - Lexi_Roberson3yrReplied to d_elfe
Lol sorry I'm a female so I was like maybe they are a female too??? It's an American novel (I don't know if you live in the starts or not) but I think you could order it. I don't know if you have Amazon, I honestly don't know and just don't want to assume things either. If you do have Amazon you could probably order it off of there!!! Don't get me started on book lists!!!! I'll be recommending them to you all day 😂🤣
Tristan sighed then; she looked so defeated. So weary. Such a shame to diminish her good disposition when she was a delight. Like an angel roaming the earth, pushed to protect herself and hide her inner light. - Lexi_Roberson3yrReplied to d_elfe
Lol well it's clearly there in the writing 🤣😂 good job at that 👏👏
Frances physically recoiled at once, her eyes misting over. A pang of regret pinched his heart and Tristan breathed out. Stupid, stupid defenses ! She confided her insecurities, and he lashed out at her like a high school bully ! Tristan could have kicked himself for his lack of tact. - Lexi_Roberson3yrReplied to d_elfe
Yes!!! Hopefully we all find someone !!! I'm glad you did!!!
— “I wasn’t in the ‘beautiful’ bunch with my female friends, people flirted with them, not with me. I was the side kick” - Lexi_Roberson3yrReplied to d_elfe
... 😲😲😲
He stood, livid, in the studio and the walls seemed too small to enclose his raw power. Frances pushed her chair back slowly, standing on wobbly legs. Her first instinct was to take a step back… so She took a deep breath, and approached him as if he was a wild animal. Her presence caused him to blink, his voice sounding nearly deformed from the clenching of his jaw. - Lexi_Roberson3yrCommented
Not going to lie, I kind of like being the first to comment. As I keep stating over and over how brilliant and well written this author has made this book. I have stated my claims. I thought this one was pretty well written. What more can I say? I think it's pretty brilliant and captivating to read. Frances journey just makes you want to find out more. I am still hoping her and Father Tristan will come together at the end. I also love how the author went from Father Tristan to just Tristan.
Ch 20 Domestic man - Lexi_Roberson3yrCommented
Brilliant !!! 👏👏👏
The young woman nodded, unsure, until his own posture relaxed slightly. A long, heavy breath passed her lips at the storm receded in his eyes ; the priest cursed himself. Where did that anger come from to take hold of him so easily ? How long since his emotions had betrayed him, throwing control to the wind ? It was dangerous ground indeed he was treading, all for the sake of Frances’ safety. He should have walked away from her; she endangered his poise and his vows. Yet, he couldn’t let her go. She was so innocent, so brilliant, so gentle… the wolves of reality would eat her alive, right ? - Lexi_Roberson3yrCommented
I just like how it went from Father Tristan to Tristan.
His stomach rolled and twisted so painfully that his lungs refused to breathe in. What ? Her fault ? Is that what she had retained from his warnings ? It was wrong, so very wrong, to hear her shoulder responsibility for harassment. Tristan ground his teeth together.