The only problem i have is the character design. Lucy and Alice/Zaori feel like one person. Also, the world background is not properly introduced. But then again, this is a first-person narrative. I'm guessing we'll know more as the character interacts with the world?

Ye Chen's name is repeated too frequently. Try replacing him with a pronoun.

Could be improved. After describing a character's appearance, try to describe what his overall appearance looks like by telling what it reminds you of.