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2019-04-10 JoinedGlobal
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  • 2yr
    Commented

    I'm using a translator, so if there's something wrong with the text I'm sorry. about the beginning of the telenovela, I thought it was very bad, very vague and fast-paced, you gave a lot of feelings to a war veteran, I've been with some and I can tell you that this sentimentality doesn't exist, so everything that is happening is very disconnected, the fact him being silly at first is a little frustrating, but I believe this is more of a personal problem for me, it's worth pointing out that the death of your friend or your father was worthless, it didn't build more character to the character, no is there any depth about them or some ennotional attachment so that it might have given you something, or you start the novel further back, with more dialogues between them and with flashbacks of your father and things he learned from him and how important it was, or change the beginning to something lighter but still, even something lighter in this case will make a much bigger impact on the reader, like if he realized how much he lost now that I'm back in this new world etc. I'll keep reading but these are my initial criticisms, but I'm still looking forward to what's to come.

    Ch 4 Family
    I Am The Anti-Mage
    Fantasy · Phantomfiend
    detail