GloryOfTheDark
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GloryOfTheDark29dCommentedWary—>wariness Boys—>boy
The entire room had different reactions to the latest arrival. Whereas most of the girls shot him looks of outright interest or even longing, many of the pureblood boys showed great signs of wary. Marlene noticed how Evans' eyes beamed a bit brighter at seeing him and she smiled, while the Snape boys next to her scowled and shot Peverell a calculating stare. Her soon-to-be betrothed, next to her, had perhaps the strongest reaction. Rabastan's hand twitched to the inside of his robes, his face turned into a twisted mask of hatred and anger.- GloryOfTheDark1mthCommented
Facade?
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*repairs had to be made often.
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*Emerged - immersed
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*dignity - a lot of misspellings are “ie” rather than “y”
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I would just remove the adjectives “strongest and latest” since they don’t really mean anything here. Plus there is the misspelling.
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Using quotes “quotation marks” when a character is speaking is recommended.
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*his baby
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Why did you grammar like this!? :(
But what is even more 'cooler' was how slow everything was.detailBurn Bright-Never Die (a Primarch si in Cyberpunk Edgerunners/2077)Anime & Comics · vtorx_0867 - GloryOfTheDark3mthCommented
*than* or replace with “from”
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He was quoting a poet. She identified the poet/source.
"Ralph Waldo Emerson," she said after a moment, her voice as flat and toneless as ever. Yet Ezra detected a hint of surprise in that simple statement. - GloryOfTheDark3mthCommentedCh 9 Chapter 9
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Daenerys was born during/after the rebellion as they fled the palace to Dragonstone. So this line makes no sense. Maybe change it to if anyone spoke ill of his family, Viserys would have skinned them. Since she was yet to be born. His character might blame her for his mother’s death so I don’t think there was ever any kindness she experienced.
Before the rebellion, if anyone had dared to think about her, Viserys himself would have them skinned alive. - GloryOfTheDark5mthCommented
You keep confusing the genders for this FEMALE Dryad.
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*Her world
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The narration here changes strangely. Wanda is alone waking up therefore saying” I was different” from Travis’s perspective does not make sense. Maybe change “I” to “Travis.”
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Guesses -> Guests
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That power “to” -> that power “too”
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Not “tentacles” -> “antennae”
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