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TaintedMetal

TaintedMetal

Lv2

The Machine fuels my writing. I used to write on Wattpad, you can check it out here: https://www.wattpad.com/user/R4nd_TheLondonBurker

2020-08-01 JoinedGlobal
-d

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449
  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Commented

    Gong

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    A Demon's Ascent
    Fantasy · DemonicAscent
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Commented
    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    A Demon's Ascent
    Fantasy · DemonicAscent
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Commented

    F

    This chapter has been deleted.
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    The Ma此
    Eastern · Mythwalker
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Posted

    Overall a good novel with a fair amount of pacing. This novel actually shows you the sad state the MC is initially in prior to reincarnation, and we get a fair amount of build up following his reincarnation. Grammar is overall okay and it's straight to the point. The paragraphs in general can be spaced out. The content in them is fine but because they were all jammed bigger paragraphs it felt tiring to read. So hopefully future chapters can be space out thus giving easier reading experience. Also, one thing I never understood is why the MC is hated so much. I can understand how he came to be alone but why do some stories tend to make everyone a bad person literally like "shoo go away.", why specifically this MC and not other people who might be in the same situation as him? I mean, "unwanted" really needs a stronger reason than useless or weak in my opinion. Hopefully future chapters about the MC's new life can provide more understandable reasoning towards things like disliking people. But with the positive elements, maintain them, author, with the structure and pacing of the story.

    altalt
    PLEASE READ NOTICE
    Fantasy · theforce1579
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Posted

    Pretty okay book in terms of ideas and concepts. Execution is a bit of a mix. On one end you got things being shown to you as opposed to being told, the direction is mysterious but not too far away from the initial outline. On the other hand paragraphs are as big as icebergs, so maybe it's best to keep 2-5 sentences per paragraph before giving a break. Pacing from the start is okay, but it can be better to provide some context or clues if the pacing is meant to be fast, better prepare the reader with what's to come for the next chapter. But with what's already good with ideas, maintain these positive things of this book, author.

    altalt
    Man?Monster?God?
    Fantasy · LORDOFORIGINALINK
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Posted

    So far so good on the work that's been done so far. Characters are great in terms of their presentation and the technique used here is respectable. Sometimes reading through the paragraphs can feel like there's much cause some sentences are jammed into one bigger paragraph, but this is one of those books that does require time to get through. Maybe some spacing for the larger paragraphs would be best. Maybe 2-3 sentences per paragraph unless the character is explaining something. Keep up the good work author!

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    Tyrants Last wish
    Urban · itssYannii
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Posted

    A novel with a lot of world building going on. Recommended for fans of giant worlds with rich histories, groups/organizations and events that includes battles. I'm reminded of Dynasty Warriors and old school films that focus on warriors, kingdoms and events that would change their history (for better or worse). In terms of the world building, the content is good, but the presentation could be slower. Sometimes it felt like a speed read going through all of the information being thrown chapter after chapter. So perhaps in future chapters can focus on the story more followed with snippets of the world. Keep up the good work, author!

    altalt
    Townsvalley : The Lost Kingdom
    Fantasy · Yuinetro
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Posted

    Overall it's a good read. Interesting ideas going around here. One thing that only needs some rework is the amount of the larger paragraphs, give paces between them so it's easier to read (especially for mobile readers) Keep writing, author.

    altalt
    Give Me Your Heart, Not Blood! [BL]
    LGBT+ · BotBrain
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Commented

    Might as well write a webnovel about him.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
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    Tyrants Last wish
    Urban · itssYannii
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Commented

    Great first chapter. There's enough to make the reader wondering about what's coming up next.

    Ch 1 Prolouge
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    Tyrants Last wish
    Urban · itssYannii
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Commented

    Interesting name. Aidoneus. Sounds powerful.

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    Tyrants Last wish
    Urban · itssYannii
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Replied to BotBrain

    Thanks for your review. Appreciate your comments!

    This book has been deleted.
  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Replied to itssYannii

    Thanks for your comments! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

    This book has been deleted.
  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Posted

    Simple and straight to the point. Characters and their personalities are shown well via interactions, and the overall direction is clear. Some grammar could be checked again, like maybe the tense, or certain things can be just said as it is and not stretched out too far. Pacing for the story starts off well but there are moments were it's too fast, and may need build up for key moments like events and character development. Recommended for readers who enjoy an action packed adventure with an MC who clearly wants to rise in strength.

    altalt
    EPOS: from rags to godhood
    Fantasy · AlexanderCao
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Posted

    Welcome to Sinnocent Dark, where all the steam valves have broken, and there's a ton of steam everywhere Thankfully this book knows how to give a proper build up. From the get go we see the main characters have various interactions, including the relationship between Veronica and Maya from their time in school to years later in the Underworld. The author has done a good job at showing their personalities which gives more insight to the reader at knowing them more. I appreciate how much of the telling is used to describe the situation the characters have in their first person POV, or the background within the third person POV Speaking of POV, at some point in the middle of the chapters currently released, there seemed to be too many changes. There's First person, third person, vice versa, then we get the story from Veronica's and Maya's perspectives. Change of perspectives between characters is nice but if possible, maybe the author should choose just one main POV: first or third. Because even though everything was written well, it was a chore to move between first and third POV each chapter or 2. Overall I would recommend this book for readers who enjoy this particular genre, in addition to books that focus more on character development, cause that seems to be the case with Veronica and Maya since the first chapter.

    altalt
    Sinnocent: She Was Too Innocent, So I Got F*cked Alongside Her
    LGBT+ · Professor_slaroM
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Commented

    p a i n

    This book has been deleted.
  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Posted

    This is only 4 chapters only, and I do believe it will far be better in the future. So far there is a build up with the scene setting and whatnot. The author can clearly paint the picture via dialogue Unfortunately most of the dialogue felt like it was rushed as well as being the form of a manga without the pictures. The constant "screaming" of characters a.k.a caps locked sentences made it seem like the author's keyboard was smashed. No offense, but it unbearable to read another character screaming their guts out and it was hard to take it seriously if it was done often. World building will take place further one but amp up details on the surroundings. I mean with the GTA and One Punch Man reference does convince me this is Earth but we are going through the world with the protagonist as we read on, so just put more details on the world, maybe twist it on your own. Are there say, other beings that exist but the Strongest Man doesn't know yet? While I appreciate that the author isn't doing an info dump like some other novels I've read on this site, but further insight before the screaming dialogues would be better. Protagonist is thankfully NOT another tragic bullied otaku gamer orphan who gets "the system", so thanks author for that, but I do encourage you use the super elements to make him stand out. Go all out if you have to. Surprise your readers further. I'm not a comedy reader so excuse me if this is meant to be a comedy with the first and second chapters, or not. I couldn't really tell based on the fast paced atmosphere of the characters jumping into dialogue exchange. There's a lot of time and room to improve and sharpen this book further author. You can do better. Good luck.

    altalt
    Yarinaoshi
    Fantasy · OneSevenEight
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Commented
    So who exactly is this all-powerful, impervious being?
    altalt
    Yarinaoshi
    Fantasy · OneSevenEight
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Commented
    As the door began to open, I began my usual script.
    altalt
    Yarinaoshi
    Fantasy · OneSevenEight
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal2yr
    Posted

    Captivating synopsis that gives you enough info to keep wondering what this novel's going to deliver. Great worldbuilding obviously. The world is told through Elior's eyes which in itself was natural. Nothing felt rushed, but this was also not a slow burned novel by any means. Think of it as being in the middle, giving you the reader a chance to know what this world is like. Characters are well established and solid, each having their own identity in early chapters. Can't wait to see how they develop even further. Elior himself is a breath of fresh air when we're talking protagonists, different from the other protagonists of books I've read on this site. Sure he's got things going on, but he faces them regardless. A balanced out character if you may based on the chapters I've read so far. This novel has a lot of things going on; comedy, mystery, action, adventure, as well as system and a dash of seriousness, that Elior has something to fight for. Recommended for anyone who's a fan of one of the novel tags, or all of them.

    altalt
    Chaos Cycle: The Eye of Genesis
    Fantasy · silent_walker
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