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Jccr

Jccr

Lv4
2018-07-20 JoinedSpain
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  • Jccr
    Jccr3d
    Posted

    It's a totally gripping and immersive piece of writing, the writing is great and the character design is even better, not to mention that the secondary characters are also very well written. I haven't come across any Itachi fanfic that was so well done and I look forward to seeing how you continue to develop it. I hope you don't get discouraged and drop it.

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    Of Blood and Duty
    Anime & Comics · Raven_Aelwood
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  • Jccr
    Jccr3mth
    Posted

    It's a pretty fresh read and up until chapter 3 pretty unique I just wish the story didn't fall into the cliché of scientist in the magical world who only studies magic to the point that he is the reincarnation of Merlin before the end of his first year. On the other hand it is a story that reminds me a bit of The Spiderwick Chronicles. Especially in the fact of magical creatures that no one can see, It is something that certainly makes it stand out and that can give a lot of play to the plot if it is used as something central to the story and not just as an add-on. About the quality in general, the author has a writing above average and a storytelling so far impeccable I would only remain to observe the development of the secondary characters and if he is able to make them organic.

    altalt
    HP: The Sun (reborn as luna's twin brother)
    Book&Literature · Bter
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  • Jccr
    Jccr3mth
    Posted

    [img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=recommend]

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    Sociopathic Ninja
    Anime & Comics · Frona_Gorgophone
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  • Jccr
    Jccr6mth
    Posted

    Wow I didn't expect to find a gem like this, it's only the first few chapters but the world building and the main character are quite novel something that stands out among so many generic stories, for the moment I'm not going to get my hopes up too high because there are only a few chapters, only time will tell if the story is really good or just another mediocre story with a good start.

    altalt
    Harry Potter: The art of divination
    Book&Literature · Booggie
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  • Jccr
    Jccr7mth
    Posted

    It is a very good story, the construction of the character at the beginning was a little weird but the trans background that is being given is very good, on the other hand the dialogues both internal and with other characters are great. The only thing that detracts from it is the stability of the publications.

    altalt
    DC: Dark Monarch
    Movies · Dark_Asmodeus
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  • Jccr
    Jccr7mth
    Posted

    [img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]

    altalt
    Daily Drama (In American TV Shows)
    TV · Maximus_Quill
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  • Jccr
    Jccr2yr
    Commented

    Yes

    Ch 1 Chapter - 01
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    Y're a Wizard Slytherin
    Book&Literature · Lethal_Drinker
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  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Commented

    Another interesting rewrite, you added the reason why Georg hates muggles, something that is appreciated in the formation of the character, but that has generated doubts for me the first one is how old is Georg? Because I think he is 7, and in my opinion I think it would be better if the isolation would start earlier so that the resentment would be deeper, although this can be enlarged with Grindelwald's upbringing. The second doubt is did you decide to change Georg's personality to make him less dark? The doubt arises because in the first writing he seems to me a more sociopathic character more detached to human emotions, but it may be my impression. Finally and as a tip remember that Grindelwald is hated and wanted equally, so it is normal that he does not go in plain sight and that he is announced as Sirius Black in the third book in the Muggle news. Keep up the good work.

    Ch 3 Chapter Two, The legacy (rewrite)
    altalt
    Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
    Book&Literature · FrenchViking
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  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Commented

    Interesting first chapter rewrite, it's a bit more complex than the first writing, you're going to need to adapt Harry's training and student life to make him a Mc-equivalent opponent as the Harry of the books could never take on an opponent of that caliber. Good job.

    Ch 2 Chapter One, The Prologue (rewrite)
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    Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
    Book&Literature · FrenchViking
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  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Replied to Brezer

    Well, in my opinion for magic you need both the physical and the mind, knowledge can be acquired, but you can't force the body to do something it's not ready for. But the main problem with doing such rapid development is that when it's done, stories tend to end prematurely, as the power of the character outweighs the plot development, unless you build a story in one fell swoop.

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
    Book&Literature · FrenchViking
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  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Posted

    Very good story, has politics, is dark, somewhat realistic and is more focused on the manipulations of the game of thrones. So far very good and recommended.

    altalt
    Game of Thrones: King Business - Tommen OC/SI
    TV · PathLiar
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  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Replied to Brezer

    If you want to get an idea of how amazing a story telling Harry's life after the seventh book is I recommend you read Casting Shadows and its prequel Harry Potter and they dance of death at Fanfiction.net.

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
    Book&Literature · FrenchViking
    detail
  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Replied to Brezer

    What I'm saying is that magical power in my understanding of the Harry Potter world comes with time and magical talent, as in real life with anything, so a child under 11 years old with a few months of training however talented he and his teacher may be, will hardly master complex spells and dueling tactics, in just a few months, plus this would probably stall the story prematurely by making a Dumbledore level wizard at 14 or 15 years old which would be a shame because very few Harry Potter fanfics reach the seventh book line and/or go over it. And this one possesses that potential.

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
    Book&Literature · FrenchViking
    detail
  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Commented

    Good chapter, but I don't know if the mc's training goes too fast take into account his age and at what age you want the mc to be rendered useless in school. In my opinion given his age it would be better to concentrate on the more theoretical subjects and less on advanced spells until I entered a school. This to avoid stagnating the story in the early years. And also be careful in this chapter I felt a little radical change in his personality compared to the first chapter so it is better that you define well how you want the personality of the mc and you let yourself to it. But as always that's my opinion. If you want a reference of how a growth in strength can be more suitable with a powerful master I recommend you to read "A flower for the Soul" in ff although modifying the rhythm a little more even.

    This chapter has been deleted.
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    Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
    Book&Literature · FrenchViking
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  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Commented

    I really liked how you approached the eye of Alastor and Grindelwald, it would be nice to see a number of Oc or canon characters direct family of Grindelwald's acolytes as central members of the Mc circle to contrast with the direct family members of the Death Eaters, which would create a darker aspect to Hogwarts. which has "a lot of light people".

    This chapter has been deleted.
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    Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
    Book&Literature · FrenchViking
    detail
  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Replied to Jccr

    Well I think your way of narrating the story so far is perfect, besides not having much experience in creating characters the first person is a point of view is very difficult to raise well the feelings and thoughts of a character with a twisted mentality, and about the dialogues take into account the personality you want to project between the characters.

    altalt
    Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
    Book&Literature · FrenchViking
    detail
  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Replied to FrenchViking

    In my opinion the level of bellatrix and Mad Eye from the second war is not his peak level, so he should have the strength but not the experience.

    altalt
    Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
    Book&Literature · FrenchViking
    detail
  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Replied to Jccr

    I just realized that it may have a lot of mistakes so I apologize, also if anyone has any questions please ask and I will try to answer them.

    altalt
    Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
    Book&Literature · FrenchViking
    detail
  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Posted

    To begin with congratulations to the author for such an interesting start, and for planting such a "unique" mc construction. Now having so few chapters makes it hard to judge a story at first, so many times what starts out as something spectacular turns to crap. So in this review I will try from my experience as a reader of a lot of Harry Potter stories to give some parameters of what in my opinion differentiates a mediocre story from a good one. First is the beginning of a "villain" story, which is something that is rarely handled well, usually due to a lack of resistance to criticism from the authors. My advice if you are going to make a Grindelwald type character is not to do it half-heartedly, he has to be charismatic, manipulative, with a superiority complex, a bit detached from emotions and cruel. All of these characteristics have to be realistic and consistent, they can't be changed abruptly on a whim since the mc already had those characteristics at a young age. The second recommendation is to keep in mind that neither children are too smart nor adults are too dumb so the characters must be realistic, all adults cannot be easily manipulated nor can all children be naive, in other words use nuances. Third tip, and in my opinion what makes a story turn to shit. The world building should be "realistic" following the parameters Rowling builds in the Harry Potter world and innovating within them, in other words, no multi-verse travel, no talking dragons, or mystical powers of the founders, no Chinese novel type cultivation, no magical core, no accelerated growth, no mc being able to command adults as a child or teenager no matter how powerful he is (beware that this is a very common mistake), or that he is more powerful than Dumbledore in his first 5 or 6 years, etc. The important thing in my opinion is to plan the story well and have coherence with the world you are trying to raise, for example, Grindelwald is very hated by most in the magical world especially in the continent so being related to him is very dangerous so going to Hogwarts in a magical country where much of the high society is xenophobic and society is closed, besides being a breeding ground for young followers (as Voldemort did before he became a moron) is the right explanation why not to go to Dumstrang, a place where grandchildren of people killed by Grindelwald go. The last tip is don't rush the story, it has potential, many people will not like it and they are very vocal about it, but I assure you that many people like me like a cruel story, the one of a real villain, don't soften it to the (Mc). I also hope you don't concentrate on making the mc op give him time, he can be a genius but in life everything is time, no one can study 24 hours a day. This type of character should use politics like Tom Ridle in his time, concentrating on the young in, on the student body, adults do not follow children no matter how mature or powerful they are, is something to be proud of. Lastly don't forget Grindelwald is being hunted. Good luck with the story and to emphasize this is just my opinion and you don't have to follow it or share it. Lastly, I don't speak English very well so I translated it, sorry if I don't understand something very well.

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    Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
    Book&Literature · FrenchViking
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  • Jccr
    Jccr3yr
    Commented

    Fewer chapters with more words.

    Ch 15 Part 10
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    A Game of Inches
    Sports · WriteRJW
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