Mus69
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Mus692yrCommentedidk if its just me but in the first sentence you used the same phrase twice and it just sounds awkward. An example of a better alternative is: "Thank you" Theo mumbled (or expressed) to the cashier...
"Thank you." Theo thanked the cashier as he took the case from the table. The line behind him was quite large. Most of these people would leave disappointed, though. The store just didn't have the necessary number of copies.- Mus693yrReplied to Malgnad1614
Tis but a scratch.
"I'm perfectly fine now aren't I?" - Mus693yrCommented
the cave have -> the cave gave
This paragraph has been deleted. - Mus693yrCommented
These flags make the story a bit too predictable at timed
This would be the first game he would play with his Valorwatch team, so Noah was a little anxious. Even more after Carlos said he would broadcast their matches live so they could watch the recording later without having to transfer files to each other. Carlos's account was new to the live stream site, so they knew that no one would be watching his broadcast, which was good news, since no one wanted to be overly pressured, and they would probably be mocked for playing badly at some point. - Mus693yrCommentedCh 371 Teacher
- Mus693yrCommented
The author wrote that the spatial perception only allows him to see a few centimeters around him in chapter 87.
Not being limited by ambient light, this ability was essential in a dark place like this. It allowed him to be able to see as if the light was on in a dome a few meters around him. - Mus693yrCommentedCh 84 84 - Mufag
- Mus693yrCommented
I think the name is good, it's practical.
'I think I can call this [Hell Trap]... My sense of naming is terrible; I need to think of something better...' Noah thought, dissatisfied with the name but satisfied with the result as he watched the monsters rolling in pain on the ground. - Mus693yrCommented
disappear>disappoint
But this didn't disappear Noah at all, who urgently needed monsters to kill and earn exp to level up. He was only hoping internally that these monsters they encountered were not going to somehow crowd one of the coaches, which would make the invasion of this Fortress much more problematic since they would not be able to deal with the monsters gradually. - Mus693yrReplied to SmilingPerson
For example using description to show how a character is feeling (maybe facial expressions or body language) which lets the reader use their own imagination to draw conclusions rather than telling us James thoughts directly. I'm not a author nor an expert at writing stories so the author can ignore about whatever I'm saying or reflect on it. Its up to them in the end.
Ch 73 73 - Synergy - Mus693yrCommented
Feedback to author: I think you need to work on showing rather than telling the story bc to me some of it comes across as you informing us of what's happening rather than allowing us (the reader) to experience the world and characters your creating from your words if that makes any sense. Also I'm not trashing the story at all. I do enjoy it but would like to see you improve as a writer so that I can enjoy it more
Ch 73 73 - Synergy - Mus693yrReplied to Daoistu5pQGe
Okay that makes sense. A nice coincidence that he got 2 free contracts then.
The bird was not aggressive to Noah, but when other humans got closer to where he was, Noah noticed that he was slightly more agitated than normal. It was probably that his monster instincts were causing him to get angry and want to kill the humans, which further underscored the urgency Noah felt in making a contract with Terrence, but he didn't want to use a pet store contract now that he knew he would have an ability in the future to sign contracts only limited by his imagination. Noah had certainly preferred to use a contract he wrote so as not to come across having signed a contract with absurd and malicious intentions. He just hoped that this ability to write contracts would come soon, since Noah knew how useful and powerful that skill would be to him. - Mus693yrCommented
wait didn't he make a contract for maggy? what's stopping him from making another contract in this case?
The bird was not aggressive to Noah, but when other humans got closer to where he was, Noah noticed that he was slightly more agitated than normal. It was probably that his monster instincts were causing him to get angry and want to kill the humans, which further underscored the urgency Noah felt in making a contract with Terrence, but he didn't want to use a pet store contract now that he knew he would have an ability in the future to sign contracts only limited by his imagination. Noah had certainly preferred to use a contract he wrote so as not to come across having signed a contract with absurd and malicious intentions. He just hoped that this ability to write contracts would come soon, since Noah knew how useful and powerful that skill would be to him. - Mus693yrCommentedCh 69 69 - Egg
- Mus693yrCommented
Is it because they don't know you can create new skills? or is it because they're lazy? And if its because they're lazy, then they're sabotaging their own chances of surviving and being stupid.
This surprised Noah. The higher the level of the Blessing, the more likely the Blessing the person received would be more useful, as well as being easier to train and develop new skills in addition to those that already came with the Blessing. However, most of the Blessed did not do this, just accepting the ability that came with the Blessing and using that as their only strength. - Mus693yrReplied to Daoist_XuyiCh 90 Chapter 89: Explosive Entrance
- Mus693yrCommented
Could someone explain what aether is and why is it important to the mc and other characters? I thought that torug wanted to avoid clashing with davis? Also great chapter author, It would be great if you could explain how torug appeared in the city next chapter.
Ch 90 Chapter 89: Explosive Entrance - Mus693yrCommented
Maggy is very perceptive for a 6yo, most kids are dumb as hell.
'If he can't see for himself that he needs happiness in his life, I will do it for him. I will help him to get happiness back,' Maggy thought with conviction as she was hugged by Noah, and in order to do what she envisioned, Maggy already had an idea of what to do. - Mus693yrCommented
Every pet is chilling in some corner of hell.
Wanting to test how it worked, Maggy thought about sending the mouse to another dimension. A portal made of flames appeared above the mouse and in a fraction of a second it enveloped the mouse before disappearing, leaving only a faint smell of sulfur which Maggy knew was natural from her videos.