he charged them quickly... what did they buy? do they have a credit from MC? it is waaaay far from he charged at them.. since pinoy ka... charged them quickly pinagbayad niya sila ng mabilis or mabilisan niya silang pinag bayad charged at them.. translates to sumugod siya sa kanila or sinugod niya sila

the act is done in the past so that should be provoked.. the sentence has will... so it can not be past tense so it should be cleave or base form of the verb

luster of the skin is what?? first mob second his body is buff.. shouldn't it be buffed? large muscles with muscles like a swollen ballon... your point is conveyed on the first part... buffed . then large muscles then swollen.. redundancy at its finest... proofread edit peer review could be nice.. that is why even best selling authors has their editors

heaving up and down .. is diff from caving in..when your chest caved in . it just means that your sternum is broken .. owls sound like whoo . kroo kroo kroo is for ravens. stick to one language . instead of stances and kata.. use stances and forms... you used kata for the word form which it is not mind you.. Kata is more of showing the memorization of certain movements... a lot of Jargons.. this makes the piece not reader friendly and as a practitioner... I believe that it is not the stances and forms that differs from style to style.. it is their overall approach and execution that varies ..

Flashing scabbard... I thought that it is a quick draw or iaido.. turns out to be a flying knives sort of skill which makes no sense for the name.. meter is way too long during a battle.. unless you have monstrous long arms it would be so long... a meter is almost or a little more than 5 feet... lapu lapus blade is called Kampilan...

Divine incubus? how can a Demon be divine? please... read before you write...

the Title is interesting... yet the story us dragging...

alley vs ally

a lot of loopholes.. a Billionaire made from scratch yet still getting outsmarted by an ancient man? come on...

too dragging

this novel is too dragging.. lost interest after 10 chapters.

not extravagant .... yet cooking Shrimp sinigang... lol and this flat form hosts multiple countries better explain some terms and make them specific like your peso... and jeepney . constructive critism dude/dudette God bless and keep grinding

another thing . if you introduced a person on the top.. part of a scene.. wag mo ulit ulitin... like vladimir ordered burger... vladimir took a bite and liked it..

tenses of the verb.. using the same words... redunduncy... try checking for possible synonyms... avoid filipinism... instead of putting why not use placing... yan po napansin ko sa first chapter... hope na ma improve mo sya

succubus... it suggests that a person is a flirt or a seductress.. yet you said that girl is approachable yet civil....

commas could be used as well..

a/an usually goes before a noun... eg.. a basket.. a bus.. a dog . an eagle.. an igloo.. redundancy as well...

breaking the wall gone fcking wrong... not effective