TinyOrc
of reading
188
Read books
Badges
9Moments
101
TinyOrc2hCommentedHere's some notes. Narrator voice shouldn't be used to comment on things that are observations or opinions. Things like how perfect/flawed a characters attire is are better left for a character to observe. The word choice is a little verbose here. Try to stay within two descriptive adjectives in your character descriptions. Optimally the reader should be able to imagine a character. Let details like color and shape be your first visual. This will help you choose your words in a more effective way. Good luck, hope this helps.
Ch 2 The Silent Game with the Fifth Elder- TinyOrc1mthReplied to Yamette_Kutasai
Yumi written in a different way can mean moon as well.
"I'm Mutsuki Yumi. Starting today, I'll be everyone's sensei. I look forward to working with you all in the future." - TinyOrc1mthCommented
whom
Shisui fell into silence. However, Mutsuki continued, telling Shisui that the story was far from over. This incident not only intensified Lord Second, Senju Tobirama's distrust for the Uchiha, who he already disliked but also led him, after becoming the Hokage, to implement various policies specifically governing the Uchiha. - TinyOrc1mthCommented
Infinite Moon Moon?
"I'm Mutsuki Yumi. Starting today, I'll be everyone's sensei. I look forward to working with you all in the future." - TinyOrc2mthCommented
tiger mouth
Until the cockpit finally stabilized, Gwen whose tiger mouths were oozing blood from clutching the web lines finally anxiously spoke up. - TinyOrc3mthReplied to Tobirama_uchiha777
It's named after one. Sauce please.
[How is that not unbalanced?! Susano'o is a freaking war god!] - TinyOrc1yrCommented
heath > heat
Kevin barely felt the heath from the flames, he noticed that his strength is increasing exponentially recently. Just a year ago, this kind of flames would feel kind of hot, like newly toasted bread, but now the flames barely feel any different from a normal breeze. - TinyOrc1yrCommented
identity sound be Identity
Chapter 2: identity - TinyOrc1yrReplied to grammer_police
username checks out
The truth is that I don't speak or write in English. I write the chapters in Spanish and translate them into English before publishing them. I know that sometimes it can be a bit annoying to see these spelling mistakes, but hey, at least you can make fun of me using that as an excuse. - TinyOrc1yrReplied to Abaddon_Steele
- TinyOrc1yrCommented
It's not a good look when you're making mistakes in the first sentence of the novel.
"What in hell!" - TinyOrc1yrReplied to FadeKnight
- TinyOrc1yrCommented
much worst hahaha
"I respect what Wraith is trying to do. Heck, I even know people he saved from muggers and rapists. But Waller hasn't done anything wrong. Those scumbags deserve much worst." - TinyOrc1yrCommented
To*
"Hogwarts Professor Under Compulsions, Who Is Too Blame?" - TinyOrc1yrCommented
Woah đ¨
"But why help me?" She asked, fishing for compliments to boost her self esteem. - TinyOrc1yrCommented
Real USA politics in Magical Britain, got it.
It really spoke to how annoying the SJW trained Hermione was, when the entire student body, including the Prefects, her Head of House and the Headmaster ignored her absence. She could have been abducted, and no one would notice until the next class roll call. But at least her parents raised her as a strong independent woman that reports any transgression to authorities! She was undoubtedly independent crying alone in the bathroom. What a winner. - TinyOrc1yrCommented
stuck -> struck
It had always stuck Chad as weird that Harry Potter never had any Potter elves. If Kreacher could survive in the Black manor without a master, then surely Potter house-elves could. An old pureblood house was sure to have a few house-elves, especially one as rich as House Potter. - TinyOrc1yrCommented
this should be cased correctly
introducing friends - TinyOrc1yrCommented
gor?
This paragraph has been deleted.