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NitrogenousBeing

NitrogenousBeing

Lv13

My favorite novels on webnovel.com 1 My own novel. 2 Release that witch 3 Lord of the Mysteries 4 In another world with the crafting system 5 Loosing money to be a tycoon

2018-05-16 JoinedUnited States
-d

Writing

675.9h

of reading

467

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Badges

16

Moments

120
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing18d
    Commented

    Dominoes pizza really changed.

    Dolminico's restaurant
    altalt
    Dungeon Raider System
    Urban · NanaiSensei
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing2mth
    Commented

    By definition this is not a prologue. It’s another preface.

    Prologue:
    altalt
    Constructing-Style Wizard
    Games · Books Cooked By Hearts
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing2mth
    Posted

    This is a critique with high standards because, after 34 chapters, I still can’t say that it hooked me or even that I’ve enjoyed it. But it's not bad. I want to like it because there are signs the story may be a late bloomer. Grammar: Good minus some commas and high-level stuff Writing Style/Sentance Structure: Dabbler - Beyond amateur level, but still not yet professional level. Immersiveness could be improved through additional colorful descriptions and more concise/direct phrasing of actions. (good for high-speed writing with no editor) Narrative: Okay. It's stiff and standard. There are a couple of minor holes in the logic. The writing style also takes some of the impact away here. Characters: Meh. They are mostly flat, generic, and lack background. There are too few reasons to like the MC. They need more drama and it needs to be believable. Plot: Unoriginal. Many events are generic, dull, and bland. It lacks compelling events, conflicts, and dilemmas. But it's still early and there’s a lot of room to run from here. Prolog: Wow, someone did it right! (a rare feat on this website). Good job! Overall: B- letter grade. Considering it is a web novel and theoretically written at a sprint for a contest, it’s decent. I hope the story improves and blooms to become like a beautiful lotus. Please improve and develop it so I can re-review it with a higher score.

    altalt
    Greatest Legacy of the Magus Universe
    Fantasy · Esenel
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing2mth
    Commented

    Mixing up land of the dead and free here.

    "Yes. I told you that Jericho is from the Land of the Free. What I didn't tell you is that I promised her to take her back home to her family safely. Her family is worried sick about her. When I saved her that day it reminded me how I also wanted to come back home."
    altalt
    Gamer of the Seas
    Fantasy · DemonGodHiatus
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing4mth
    Commented

    And his parents never noticed…

    As time passed, Lyrian's body underwent a significant transformation. His muscles grew larger and more powerful, and his reflexes were much quicker.
    altalt
    Rebirth Of The Strongest Worldsmith
    Fantasy · WriterTheos
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing4mth
    Commented

    Also apparently he had no interest in eating them despite wanting so much meat…

    There was no point in dwelling in sorrow for something he had already done.
    altalt
    Rebirth Of The Strongest Worldsmith
    Fantasy · WriterTheos
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing4mth
    Replied to NitrogenousBeing

    Yay for magic and alternative world

    Rigorous Training
    altalt
    Rebirth Of The Strongest Worldsmith
    Fantasy · WriterTheos
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing4mth
    Commented

    Typically building muscle like this at such a young age would stunt growth.

    Rigorous Training
    altalt
    Rebirth Of The Strongest Worldsmith
    Fantasy · WriterTheos
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing4mth
    Commented

    So his medieval house had a book of statistics in it…

    He knew that statistically, a creature would eventually have to cross the front of his cave entrance.
    altalt
    Rebirth Of The Strongest Worldsmith
    Fantasy · WriterTheos
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing4mth
    Commented

    Bunnies on Earth are independent at 3 weeks old and their fast growth rate is the main reason they can exist. So needing mother at 2 months doesn’t make much sense…

    [Without the help of their mother, these two will die within the next 3 days due to extreme dehydration]
    altalt
    Rebirth Of The Strongest Worldsmith
    Fantasy · WriterTheos
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing4mth
    Commented

    How does a jungle walk?

    When he walked anywhere, he could feel the jungle walking with him. One could sense the surrounding life just by existing.
    altalt
    Rebirth Of The Strongest Worldsmith
    Fantasy · WriterTheos
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing4mth
    Commented

    What why would animals not go for food in a forest/jungle? (Not sure the narrator knows which he is in.)

    His 'trap' was pretty bad as well. In most circumstances, no prey would ever actually go for some random berries in a random area like that.
    altalt
    Rebirth Of The Strongest Worldsmith
    Fantasy · WriterTheos
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing4mth
    Commented

    Is a predatory animal somehow more edible than a herbivore?

    While waiting, he thought how pitiful this looked. What he actually wanted right now was a shit ton of meat from some large predatory animal.
    altalt
    Rebirth Of The Strongest Worldsmith
    Fantasy · WriterTheos
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing4mth
    Commented

    How does he know how to do this?

    First, he found several large leaves and sewed them together with some vine, making a large but light bush which he could cover the entrance of the cave with.
    altalt
    Rebirth Of The Strongest Worldsmith
    Fantasy · WriterTheos
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing4mth
    Commented

    Wow! This ending feels like my modded Minecraft endgame back in the day. Good job! I have story-ending anxiety from reading too many web novels. So, I was feeling tense about having to read the ending. There were all those unfulfilled prophecies. However, I felt no disappointment at all. It didn't feel like the end either because we'll eventually read about those events in the next book. What a wonderful way to end the novel! I'll be reading the next book, Gamer of the Seas.

    Ch 131 William Connor (end)
    altalt
    In another world with the crafting system
    Fantasy · DemonGodHiatus
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing7mth
    Commented

    So children in this world drink milk with their ears? Very weird.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Order Immortal
    Fantasy · Kush63
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing7mth
    Posted

    Review at about chapter 38: So I’m interested in the story, but the writing is killing my desire to continue. There are too many useless meaningless redundant cliché flowery and abstract phrases. Also don’t get me started on the stupid repeating blocks of useless thoughts when the MC panics. A good rule of thumb: any more than three identical repeats is too many. The MCs emotions often aren’t relatable. Plus, the author tends to jump to the reveal a little faster than he should, which I find relatable because he’s trying to fit 20 more reveals behind it. Anyway, the grammar is good and the story has a plan behind it, but please work on the prose. Make sure there’s a reason for flowery words or don’t use them. Keep your sentences simple and direct. Thanks.

    altalt
    Only I Can See The End
    Fantasy · Magecrafter
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing8mth
    Commented

    I thought for sure he was going to be surprised by an elf on his shelf…

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    In another world with the crafting system
    Fantasy · DemonGodHiatus
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing8mth
    Posted

    A novel I can give 5/5 because I really enjoy it. It’s suspenseful and full of mystery punctuated by comical, entertaining and ”epic” moments. A little warning for readers: It’s got characters with traits that don’t make complete sense in reality. But what all the readers need to remember is that they are being manipulated by an in-story subpar author. So enjoy those cartoonish over-the-top traits. It’s not unrealistic. It’s manipulation by the ultimate antagonist of the book — if the title where to be believed. This is something of a cop-out, but it does make sense. Remember this and you should be able to suspend your disbelief.

    altalt
    I Will Kill The Author
    Fantasy · Night_Crawler619
    detail
  • NitrogenousBeing
    NitrogenousBeing8mth
    Posted

    I shouldn’t have tried to read this one based off the title. It’s a genre I like packed with a collection of tropes, ideas and themes that I find annoying after hundreds of similar novels. The author could use an editor as the high release speed leads to errors, but that speed is also probably a big factor in its high ranking. I thought I would enjoy it anyway for a couple chapters. However, several things I detest jumped out all at once and I can’t continue. This means the author is a decent webnovel writer despite his story clashing horribly with my sensibilities. If the title doesn’t give you hives it may be worth a try.

    altalt
    MMORPG : Rebirth Of The Strongest Vampire God
    Games · Raj_Shah_7152
    detail