I liked the concept, but in practice it disappointed. The grammar was decent, although there were a few mistakes here and there, but the writing read like a translated novel and really was a bit too simplistic(though that's par for the course on this site). The inner voice stuff was really vague and it was hard to tell what the girls were hearing, so it kinda fell flat. The characters were pretty shallow, and the romance was breakneck and again, a shallow excuse for smut. What really made me drop it though was the complete lack of any sort of introspection when the female leads learned that their world was a work of fiction and that they were being mind controlled and manipulated by the plot. Sure there was the obligatory "I concentrated for a few seconds and stopped the mind control from affecting me!" but you'd think there'd be at least a little bit of existential consideration after the realization of their situation.

The writing is decent, but there's been little to no story a few dozen chapters in and the author springs a reveal of the MC being female way too far into the story for my liking. The worldbuilding would be interesting, but it's all tell and no show, so the whole story so far has been a giant training arc carried by fluffy interactions.

Oh, did you update it after seeing my comment?

"Author" steals stories and mtls and edits them for profit. Probably also deletes poor reviews, knowing this site. How ironic, that the greatest scumbag of all was the author himself.

Haha, aren't you the guy with a godawful DC fanfic that you dropped after like 5 chapters?

I continue on my crusade to reward understandable english that reads like it was written by someone who's actually fluent in the language, and boost the ratings of legible stories.

Not really a 5 star, just felt that this deserved a better rating than it had because it's actually grammatically legible rather than the standard grok you find. I swear every time you start a story on this site it's like flipping a coin on whether the writer actually understands english or not.

Exactly, she's good at her job, and she also decided to desert from the country the moment she got the chance.

One thing that's been bothering me as I've read through this story is the lack of mention of other alien races. I mean, sure we've got some unnamed dead alien races like the tiny crystal people and we've also seen proto-gods of some of them, but as far as I can tell the only current alien race ever mentioned by name was the Sandmen

Umm, both sides do remember that the Coalition has female pilots too right? lol

Gloriana: I never abused those boys! Also Gloriana: Why yes I support genetically engineering their whole gender so they'll never measure up to women, please ignore my hypocrisy in ignoring that requirement for my own family.

Yeah, taking a sample of his psionics and sending it back to headquarters isn't suspicious at all. Either they're studying them or they're doing some voodoo stuff. I'm tempted to think his pylon is smaller because it's a more advanced model, given the interest the MTA is showing in his methods.

I get that it's meant to be funny and all, but going from trying to copy his philosophy at all costs and practically fangirling over S to claiming his philosophy isn't nuanced is pretty hilarious.

Also yeah, the Hexers suck at diplomacy. Actually despite what we've seen of DIVA's successes, they also suck at intrigue, given their total and complete failure against the Coalition in preparation for the war, ad the fact that one of their most competent spies decided to abandon them the moment they got the chance. Speaking of which, they also suck at war, given that despite launching a surprise attack they proceeded to immediately get bogged down in attrition warfare, which would have gone even worse without Ves' glow mechs. Frankly, the only thing the Hexers have proven to be any good at is indoctrination.

Didn't he already agree to have the Hexers accompany their fleet way back? Or was that just Gloriana's small fleet?

Eh, he didn't exactly have much of a choice. He tried to run away only for the MTA to support her in essentially forcing her way into his life.

Not sure why Ves is suddenly so eager for the Hegemony to win the war. I get that he dislikes the Coalition and that his mom is tied to the Hegemony, but I got the feeling that he didn't want the Hegemony spreading their unique brand of crazy either, so wouldn't he be better served just keeping a balance between the two?

I find it hilarious that Ves tried to instill a sense of nurturing in the spirit by modeling it after his mother, who spent his whole life beating him down and basically crippling him while ensuring he'd be a failure at anything he had a passion for, just like the Hexers do.

Am I the only one that finds it incredibly ironic that his way of dealing with the fact that he'll never be able to see plants in real life is to make sure that people in a video game will never see certain types of plants?

I really wish one of these VRMMORPG novels would drop the whole "magical helmet" nonsense and just have the players jack into the game with cybernetic spinal/brain implants. Would help a lot with establishing some sense of realism.