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IronJim

IronJim

Lv14

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2017-08-04 JoinedGlobal
1.3kh

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  • IronJim
    IronJim2mth
    Commented

    Thanks

    Ch 153 A talk about the future of the kingdom
    altalt
    Blood And Iron (ASOIAF/GoT)
    TV · Chill_ean_GUY
    detail
  • IronJim
    IronJim5mth
    Posted

    This story has a great potential and a fantastic premise. Just that it feel as if the author has used too much AI assistance in his writing making it repetitive and overly verbose. Please author dont give up but please work on improving, maybe I will return in the future to your work.

    altalt
    The Rebirth of the Purple Phoenix
    History · lordgsh
    detail
  • IronJim
    IronJim5mth
    Commented

    This reads like it is written by AI. There is a lot of stuff just being repeated in a different way.

    Ch 3 A Dream of Renewed Bonds
    altalt
    The Rebirth of the Purple Phoenix
    History · lordgsh
    detail
  • IronJim
    IronJim11mth
    Commented

    Really now? Your makes no sense even for a magical world with hidden powers.

    Between: magical artefacts, Valyrian steel, mana stones, jewellery, precious stones, unknown treasures, real estate, ships, and holdings in a variety of business sectors, crammed and well guarded in only the Old Gods knew which remote corners of the world, the Iron Bank boasted total assets worth between 4 and 5,000,000,000 gold coins (approximately $ 40,000,000,000,000).
    altalt
    Game of Thrones : Paladin of Old Gods (Draft)
    TV · Duncan_Randar
    detail
  • IronJim
    IronJim2yr
    Posted

    First of all this is a great novel and I will continue to read it. That being said my following criticism should be seen as constructive and not judgemental or destructive. 1. Forgetable/Mobs characters receive to much words and in certain cases their traits and mannerisms becomes indistinguishable from the main character. The way the writer writes dialogue further exacerbates this, making it hard for readers to distinguish between characters - especially during dialogue. 2. The MC becomes aware of knowledge that he should not be aware of. This can be easily fixed by simply indicating that he is not aware of this and that this is the knowledge of the future MC bleeding into he’s own recounts of his past, because technically the MC is writing his own story about his past self. The author is fixing this in later chapters. Those two points are my bigest criticisms.

    altalt
    Born a Monster
    Fantasy · Mike_Kochis
    detail
  • IronJim
    IronJim2yr
    Commented

    See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon

    Ch 475 Egg
    altalt
    Demon's Virtue
    Fantasy · DiceVR
    detail