Thank you author! Nice Chap!

Great story author-nim, don't stop writting. You're a great writter 😊😊

Welcome author!

it's better if you remove the period after the but and replace it with a comma after you can remove the comma before the so.

"what he intending to do with me but let's just play with him ad give it a gamble" Please add IS after the HE and you may change the WITH to TO after you add IS.

"but let's just play with him ad give it a gamble" to "but I played along with him and give it a gamble. I think that "fill" in (fill your boredness) should be replaced with "quench or perhaps "ease" "lessen". I feel that fill is not really a great word in this sentence

"I was terrified he might be one of those homo creatures how pray on teens, but I'm just a soul now there's no way he can do something to me." to "I was terrified that he might be one of those homo creatures that prey on teens, however, I'm just a soul now so there's no way he can do something to me."

"I was puzzled and speechless of his shamelessness but still answered respectably," please add "I" after the but. Also, please change the question from "and what might you be" to " then, who are you?" What refers to a thing and since Mephisto said that he is not God, then the logical question is asking who he is, therefore use a WHO as it refers to a person or being.

Though I am not about this part I think that the comma in the "God, isn't this beautiful." should be removed because the pause at the comma makes it feel like you are saying that this place is beautiful. In short, you are not referring to the person or the noun but if you removed the comma I think that way you may be referring to the person itself. I think that you should just change the wording to "I am more beautiful than God."

"then looked at me straight at my eyes and said" to "then looked at me straight into my eyes and said". This is the part I am talking about.

The "at" may be changed to "into."

In the "I held back" part, you may add "as" in the sentence. "I held as I still wanted to live after all," it is more readable that way.

I think that the comma in the "are you, God?" can be removed. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that you are portraying in this paragraph that he is unsure of his question. I think that you could have just written that "I hesitantly said", I think that it would have more impact that way on the imagination of the reader.

I think that "; looking at my history, I spend 90% of my time watching anime and reading novels, so I kind of anticipated this moment" should be changed to ". Looking at my history, I spent 90% of it watching anime and reading novels so I kind of anticipated this moment."

I think that in the "I didn't waste my time thinking about what if I died or not" the "about what" should be removed, it is quite confusing.

I think that "They say when you die all the memories of your life flashes in one big movie. Nothing of that really happened; I just felt my head shatter and watched myself fade to nothingness. I thought I finally gonna take a long rest." can be changed to "They say that when you die, all the memories of your life flashes like a movie. Nothing like that really happened, I just felt my head shatter and watched myself fade to nothingness. I thought that I was finally gonna be able to take a long rest."

I think that "After 17 years of living, I decided it's time to end it. I had enough of this shitty life; I walked up to the roof of my school and jumped up." maybe changed into "After 17 years of living this shitty life, I decided that it's time to end it. I walk up to the roof of my school and jumped down". The up in this paragraph is really confusing.

I think that "so we had to rely entirely on my mom, or we going to starve; I mean, she wasn't great either" can be changed to "so we had to rely entirely on my mom or else we are going to starve to death. My mom wasn't that great either" and so on.

I think that YOU'RE here should be changed to YOUR and the MEN should be changed to MAN.