6 Making the Most of Life

Armin is talking to Mikasa, while eating some granola bars. I would ask Mikasa to join, but she likes to take it upon herself to be my mom and I don't want her to try to stop us.

Think, think! How can I separate them without raising suspicion? I got it! Running up to them, I put my arms around both of their shoulders and grin. They give me a relieved look and hug me tightly.

"Geez guys! Didn't think you'd miss me that much. I wasn't even gone a whole day" I say while chuckling.

"Yes, well we didn't even know you were gone until Erwin announced it at breakfast. You could have at least warned us!" Mikasa scolds me like, what I said earlier, my mom.

"I'm sorry guys... We left really early and I didn't want to wake you, but guess what! I'm part of the Levisquad now!"

When those words leave me, I'm yanked into the back storage room, by Grisha.

"I heard. Levi came to me and informed me they were taking you in. I'm going to tell Erwin that you're my son soon. Now don't fuck it up like you do with everything else!" he growls out before rushing out.

All of the excitement and slight bit of pride, leaves me. In my time with the Levisquad, I had nearly forgotten that I was just doing what my father asked. I walk back to Armin, who was now standing alone, and rest my head on his shoulder.

Armin patted my head and pulled me back into the storage room where we both grabbed clothes, heading outside. Erwin gave us a smile while Levi just scoffed at us both. I was too numb to care, so I just ignored him and followed Armin to the lake to bathe.

I had remembered to bring my duffel and a towel, so I rushed Armin to bathe and change. When he started to walk back towards camp, I stopped him with plan A, bribery.

"Hey Armin, I found some root beer on the run today. I thought we could just sit on that big rock over there and hang out like we used to. Also got those Cool Ranch Doritos you've always wanted to try..." I say.

Because his old man hated junk food, the only time Armin got any was when I smuggled it over. It made me feel like a drug dealer, which we both found funny. Armin is nodding his head quickly and had already climbed onto the big rock.

Personally, I'm a Lays snob, but to each their own. Do you have a favorite or do ya just eat whatever is available? Sorry, just trying to learn more about my new friend...

Chuckling, I took out the warm cans of soda and the snacks, bringing them to Armin. I felt my pocket, feeling the bong, then started eating with him. While he was in junk food heaven, I broached the subject.

"Remember when we were younger and you said you had always been curious about what smoking weed would be like?" he nods so I continue, pulling out the bong and Ziploc. "Let's do it! I got snacks and drinks. We got everything we need!" I say excitedly.

He nods his head cautiously and scoots closer to me while I pack the bowl and pull out my lighter. After explaining how it works, I take my first drag of the plant in about five months.

I hold the high-inducing smoke in until my lungs feel ready to burst, then I exhale slowly. Another good thing that came out of Grisha's torture methods. I could hold my breath for a VERY long time, making the effects hit me faster.

I didn't know much about the different types of marijuana, but this one was strong, whatever it was. A laugh escapes my mouth when I see Armin try to mimic me, and he chokes, sputtering and glaring at me. Hey, it's not my fault he's never done this before!

"It just takes practice. Just keep breathing it in until you can't anymore, then exhale all the smoke. Here, drink some water first." I say, handing him water.

We both continue to talk and pass the bong, eating snacks as we go. This was nice. I no longer felt numb after what Grisha had done earlier. My body felt the familiar warm and light feeling I usually got when I was high.

It was sad when we had finished smoking off the bag of weed, but we just shrugged it off and continued to eat snacks and laugh at stupid stuff. Armin was the high type that would be energetic and giggle at every little thing, while I was a mellow, relaxed stoner.

It had already become darker, but I couldn't care less, nor do I think I could get Armin back to the camp without suspicion. They would instantly be able to tell he was high and then I'd be guilty by association, even though I already was.

We'd just have to sneak back in once everyone was asleep and hope that Erwin wasn't the one guarding the door. I don't know how my friend would feel if Erwin saw him like that. He'd probably be a giggling and blushing mess.

Are you judging us? Or are you just mad we didn't share? I'm sorry, I didn't even think to share with you. We still have some Sour Patch Kids and gummy worms, if you want some of those though.

"What the hell are you guys doing? Armin, Erwin was worried sick about you!" someone yelled in the distance.

"Armin, shhhh... Act natural." I whisper, then bust out laughing.

Okay, so maybe I'm not the most mellow stoner, but Armin is still way worse than me! I hear footsteps approaching, so I force myself to sit up and act as though we were just hanging out and eating snacks.

"Really, brat! Dragging Armin into your stupid antics and worrying Erwin was plain stupid..." Levi says in a monotonous voice.

I hold back a laugh at his uptight attitude and start picking up our trash. Armin had fallen asleep, probably crashing from all the excitement. Throwing our trash at Levi, I climb down carefully, with my friend sleeping soundly in my arms.

It was worth it. To hang out and have fun with my best friend, for what might be the last time. The zombies had disappeared and I was going to be with the Levisquad, searching for them. If we stumbled upon the horde, there'd be nothing left to identify us by.

I hear crumbling and clanking and look over to see Levi picking up all the trash, silently. With my thoughts being as dark as they were, I was thankful he wasn't lecturing me yet. I had made sure to cover the empty Ziploc in dirt and shove the bong back in my hoodie pocket, along with the lighter.

Ha, they have no proof! The evidence was disposed of before they could find it. Well, maybe not so much since Levi caught us, but he never saw us actually smoking. Maybe I could talk us out of this, since Armin was unable to get us out of this.

Armin had always been getting me out of trouble. Ever since we were kids. He was always putting that smart brain to use, making up the most outrageous stories up, but somehow, everyone believed him. Smiling down at him, I silently thank whatever God exists that brought us together.

In all honesty, I don't know if I could survive without him. He never knew what Grisha did, but he had always, since I'm able to remember, picked me up and pulled me back together.

As children, he was weak and wasn't able to fight back, but he would also never run. He was smart and brave, with truly powerful ideals. He was one of a kind and it's still hard to believe that he would choose to have me as a friend.

"It's because I wouldn't be able to live without you either. You make me strong when I feel weak and give me courage when I just want to run and hide..." Armin says quietly before falling back asleep.

I must have been muttering, or he's a mind reader. Nah, he'd tell me if he was. Or would he?... Snorting at my own stupidity, I keep following behind Levi.

Erwin lets out a sigh of relief and gives us a small smile before heading inside. Guilt hits me when I realize that I made him worry. Armin's found a keeper. I definitely approve.

Levi follows me to Squad A's sleeping area, where I place Armin gently on his sleeping bag and cover him up. I just stare at Mikasa and him, sleeping side by side. I've always survived, because I needed to. I wanted to wake up in the morning, so I could see Armin and Mikasa.

I needed to survive for them again. I couldn't fail. For the first time in a long time, I felt unsure of myself. I'm very skilled, but it'd do nothing if our group got overrun. I have to do this and even if I don't survive, at least I can trust Erwin to protect them.

I feel a hand pull my wrist gently, helping me up. Levi pulls me upstairs and to a training mat as far from the others as possible. Everyone was asleep, except Petra, who was watching out the window.

Staring in confusion, I watch as Levi gets into a battle ready stance and charges. With the marijuana still in my system, my mind is foggy and my reflexes were slower. I barely managed to dodge the punch aimed at my temple.

What the hell does he think he's doing? Do you know what's going on, or are we both in the dark? Literally, get it... Cuz it's night time and it's dark.. Nevermind.

"Raises your arms and defend yourself, now." he says lowly.

Pushing back the fog as much as I could, I raise both my arm and spread my legs slightly. This isn't going to end well. I won't be able to hold my defenses like this. I feel tired and unbalanced, like I could fall at any second.

For the first time since my mom died, I feel tears flood my eyes. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm going to die and there's nothing to be done about it. Putting my faith in Erwin to keep my friends safe is all I can do.

Dropping my defenses, I let Levi's fist make contact with my side. What's the point? What does he hope to gain from this? It's easy to tell that he's holding back and his face is showing emotion for the first time since I've met him. He's angry, but I don't know at what.

My legs get swept out from under me and I fall roughly onto my back, the air leaving my lungs in one quick whoosh. Levi straddles me and grabs me by the front of my shirt, pulling my face closer to him.

"Get up and fight! Even high you can fight back, so do it." he growls out.

I just sit there and stare at his angry form on top of me. So he did know we were high. Makes sense, I mean, we probably smelled of it. And with all those snacks, it's pretty obvious too. He pulls me up a bit and slams me back into the mat harshly.

With my eyes closed, I just let the tears fall down my cheeks. I don't want anyone to see me like this, but he's refusing to leave me alone. What did I do to earn such hatred and judgment from a man who knows nothing about me? You have more reason to judge me than he does. Do you hate me?

My thoughts were all over the place as I just continued to cry silently. It was a weird feeling, seeing as I haven't cried since mom's funeral. If I'm going to die anyway, I'm going to visit her grave one last time. The graveyard is a ways away from Shiganshina so there shouldn't be too many zombies.

I feel his weight leave me and open tear-filled eyes. Petra had pulled Levi of me and was staring at us both. It was too dark to see either of them clearly, even more so with my waterlogged eyes.

"What the hell are you doing, Levi?! Can't you see he's upset!" Petra whisper-yells.

Levi just grunts and walks to the window, taking up his post. Great, I made the couple fight. Dad was right! I really do fuck everything up... I'm just going to lay here for a bit, if that's okay with you.

Sleep doesn't find me that night and I don't get up when I hear everyone else start to move around. I haven't felt this bad since I was younger. This was supposed to be done with. It's been so long since I've felt so... Hopeless.

"Come on, sweetie. We're gonna get some food in ya then you and I are going to hang out all day! Does that sound alright with you?" Petra asks softly.

My head nods even though I didn't really mean to. I'm foggy, but it's not from the weed anymore. More from emotional exhaustion. See, this is why I hate emotions! My throat is dry and scratchy when I speak.

"I'm not hungry, but I could use some water. I also gotta go to the bathroom. Can I meet you somewhere?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah, sure! Umm... Meet me and the others at the lake. Pack a few days worth of clothes and books, if you want." with those instructions she walks off.

I thought she said it was just going to be her and I? Levi isn't someone I really want to see, especially after last night. Hopefully neither of them saw me cry. Also, why am I packing a few days of clothes? That's an odd order.

Oh no, are we going on our scouting trip early. No... She wouldn't say to bring books if that were the case. I pack my clothes quickly before making my way to Jean and pulling him aside.

"Are you good, Eren? No offense, but you look like shit..."

I shake off his concern and hand him what he asked for. The packs of menthols, except the one I opened, a lighter, and a few of those small bottles of alcohol. He thanks me and I leave quickly, before anyone else asks if I'm okay. I don't have the energy to fake a smile.

My bat, I leave upstairs, but I left my gun in my bag and I have a knife in both side pockets. I'm wearing a pair of black skinnies I found and a dark blue sweater, a few sizes too big. Just like what I used to wear. Hello, nostalgia.

Erwin greets me when I walk outside and then I'm on my way to the lake. Mikasa and Armin will have to forgive me for not saying goodbye before I left, but I'm pretty sure I'll be coming back, at least this time.

"Here, kid. I almost thought you were a dead-head with the way you're stumbling around." Gunther jokes before handing me a Red Bull.

I nod my head in thanks and drink it quickly, but even that doesn't seem to improve my mood. From the corner of my eyes, I see Petra and Gunther share worried looks. So, they're trying to make me feel better...

These people around me were better than I could ever be. If only they knew the monster beneath my skin. But, I don't want their trip to be ruined because of me, so I flash them a fake smile. Here's to hoping it's believable.

They seem to take it and then we're on our way to some location. We're walking farther into the forest and it just now hit me how big this forest truly was. We've been walking for at least an hour, yet the trees and shrubbery are still thick around us, meaning we aren't near an exit.

The thinner and more spread out the forestation, the closer to an exit you are. It's something I picked up while in the forest, years ago. Memorizing the path we are taking to the unknown location, I stick it in the corner of my mind in case the need arises.

"Damn, we haven't been here since the beginning of this shit storm. I still remember the day I found it—" Oluo gets interrupted by Petra.

"Sure you did... If my memory serves me right, Eld was actually the one to find it."

They argue back and forth while Eld and Gunther just share a look of exasperation. It seems the both of them are used to their friendly banter. Just how long have these guys known each other? What their story?

It has to have been before the apocalypse, because they shared memories of a time when electricity was still a thing. Petra told me a story about Oluo forgetting to put the top on the blender and frozen fruit chunks flew everywhere. Not surprising.

Oluo and Petra's arguing ceases, so I look up to see why. Up ahead is a large wooden cabin, almost hidden by all the trees. So this is where we'll be staying for the next few days. I guess this won't be too bad.

Just like a camping trip....