4 Missing you.

months later

Kiyoomi ' POV

It's been months, and I can't shake this feeling....

She couldn't even look me in my eyes that day, and it tore me.

I knew now...that she wasn't disgusted.

No.

She was slowly shattering

I thought what we had, had dissolved into thin air.

But here I am finding myself at her doorstep...

She didn't even stay in the home we once shared, but I don't blame her.

I truly don't know what's going on in my head.

I know it. My intellect is well aware that I've broken her.

Yet I have the audacity to show up to her door.

The most frustrating part of our meet that day, other than her not sparring a glance at me....was that she didn't raise her voice..or get angry.

Why?

Kami! Just looking at her that day, so beautiful, no matter how paled her face was, no matter the slight puff of her eyes and lips, the frown of her eyebrows.

I miss her.....

I need her.....

I want her to embrace me and give me that warm, beautiful smile like she used to.

I'm such a selfish man.

One lover wasn't enough. I found myself finding another. I had to have two lovers, one woman and one man.

The only two people in this world...that I could ever find myself loving.

I don't deserve her and I know it.

When I met him, it wasn't love at first sight. It was a slow burn kind of love and it felt nostalgic..the feeling of falling in love all over again.

I was so sure I fell out of love with her.

Yet here she is opening the doors of her home to me...

The feeling in my chest..

As if my hearts stopped beating, as if it's about to burst right through my chest.

I want to pull her into my arms..but for the first time, I'm too scared to...

How will she react?

I lost that privilege the moment she found me out.

No.

I lost that privilege long before then.

When I started deceiving her.

Kami!

I don't want to relive that moment.

I don't want to think of how she felt. It only makes my heart bleed....

As if thick and Thorned vines are wrapping around my heart.

The woman that stuck by me. The only person I thought I could love in such an intimate way.

This angelic woman before me...the pain I made her endure.

Just to show up ..into her life again.

She didn't slam the door in my face...but she was shocked to see me.

She invites me in.

I want to tell her how much I miss her, how much I really do love her.

I even wanted to admit it soon after our meet.

The lunch that was meant for two.

But I had brought my plus one.

I saw the hurt in her eyes the moment we had arrived. I didn't acknowledge it much that day, not even in that moment.

Yet as the days passed by...it was one thing I couldn't find escaping my consciousness.

I gently hand her the bouquet of white roses.

Some time long ago it would have been red roses.

~To express my love to her.

If we weren't in the predicament we are in at this moment.

If she didn't find out....

If I didn't cheat on her....

If I didn't fall in love .....

With ..Sakata, Atsu.