3 Broken.

Her POV

If he had came back. I'd run to his arms

Or at least that's what I wanted to do.

At least I was able to work from home and didn't have to put up too much of a front around others.

It's been two months since we had that lunch..I couldn't bare to look at them, if I did I'm sure all the feelings I've desperately been trying to hide would have been poured out.

I moved out of our once shared apartment and bought myself a house just far enough from society.

My heart is constantly bleeding.

And in all my 23 years...this has been one of the most painful.

I didn't even want to leave my house.

I barely wanted to leave my bed.

I wanted to soak up all the hot water my shower could give.

I'm trying so hard not to think of him...

Or what he's up to.

I'm so hurt.. my eyes are constantly swollen from the tears that stream down my face.

Part of me feels abandoned.

Tch. I hate it.

I hate this feeling...

All these feelings.

I want to get up and throw everything in my reach, but at the same time I don't have the strength for it.

I've drained myself. Drowning in my own misery....

I don't want to feel.

I want someone to rid me of all feelings. I don't care for much at this point in my life.

Is this how it's gonna be from now on?

Am I ever gonna love again?

Am I ever gonna be the joyful person I once was?

Or am I going to become the one thing in life I never wanted to be.

I feel so stupid.

I always looked at the positive side

But what about the long run...

What about the pain...

It's inevitable.

When did it start?

Where did I go so wrong?

I'd hate to ask the most asked question..but...'was I not enough?'

I never thought about the negatives

I didn't think too much of the future..

I lived in the moment.

I was naive. I still am

I wanna scream, I want to rip my heart out my chest.

Would it be easier if I wasn't here?

I wanna throw myself off the highest building.

I haven't been able to eat properly.

I wanna scream til I can't anymore.

I wanna be left to rot.

I can't do this.

I can't bear this pain.

My entire body aches.

I feel so unloved.

But I know I shouldn't sink that low.

I used to think only the weak could end themselves...

Now after so much pain, confusion, agony, tears and heartache ...I feel as though it takes mass amount of strength to end yourself.

I'm too weak to rid myself of all this misery.

And for what?

For 'Your Love'.

I feel like such a fool..

I miss him so much and these past two months have been unbearable.

I wish he was here to hold me.

I wish he was still here to tell me he loved me.

I wish we could spend eternity together.

But that's just selfish.

I don't wanna look at my phone or my computer or television, let alone step outside my home.

I don't wanna see him.

Because I know that the second I do... I'm going to break.

I remember the night I had found out...he was seeing someone else behind my back.

In the past I pushed it all off..every single clue that was starring me dead in my face..for months.

How!

How can you come home to the woman that loves you, when you know your cheating her!!?

How can you bear to look at me!?

I must have really meant nothing to him.

I hate myself.

I hate the feelings he left me to wallow in.

I hate the questions he left me with.

Why!!!?!!?!

I want to hate him!

But right now my head is so fogged, one minute I'm so angry...the next I'm so sad..

I wonder, am I angry at myself? For not paying attention to the marks on his body...or the scent on his member..when he would come home so late at night.

Am I possibly trying to extinguish my aggression on him for my lack of attention to detail and my nonchalant attitude?

I was always the person he could talk to and yet he hid this from me and in the end I was left broken and alone, while he parades around with the person he loves.

But if he came back?

I'm not sure how I'd feel or what I'd do.

All in end, from the bottom of my heart I know one thing for sure.

I'm so madly in love with him.

And him only.