16

Pan parks her bike carefully under her dorm building. Today is tiring, well... Like every day is not tiring enough!

"I'm not even 30 yet, not even 25... But why is my body aching like a granny...?" Pan sighs, dragging her legs towards the entrance. She swings open the door but halts midway when she feels somehow uneasy.

From the spot where she stands, she can feel someone is watching her. Or, at least there is the presence of another human around the block.

Are you sure it's a human, Pan? She asks herself. Her eyes glare at her watch.

It's midnight.

That's eerie...

Pan turns back and plants her back onto the wall. Walking slowly, almost inaudible footsteps toward the spot where she puts a suspicion. She balls he fist tight. If it's a human, she is ready to throw her punch.

If it's not a human... Well, let's just assume it is a human! Not that... No way!

Pan frowns. Seems like her theory might be correct. Her nose crinkles as she sniffs the familiar scent. She drops her gaze, making her eyes droopy and hoody.

"Oui!"

Just about a meter apart. If she puts more speed, her knuckle will poke that face, and a major catastrophe will happen. Luckily for the other party, the reflected action is not estranged.

"That punch still feels heavy," says Zee. Pan pulls her hand away from his hand and blocks the punch. She fixes her shirt while scowling at him.

"What are you doing here at this hour? You know this is a restricted area..." she points the signboard at the entrance.

NO BOYS ALLOWED.

"That doesn't apply to me. I am a man," Zee subtly answers the question.

"Your joke is not a joke," Pan replies him back casually. She stares at him, in between the urge to smack his head so he can tone down his sarcasm, or punch Zee on the face so he can wake up to the reality.

"Sorry..."

"Too late. I can alarm the guard if I want to. So, please answer the question wisely," she slams the wall, caging Zee between her hands. Because she's quite short, she has to tip-toeing a bit to match her sight with Zee.

Zee smirks, watching the difficulty of that short girl who tries to intimidate him. He pokes his finger onto her forehead and shoves her away from him.

Just like that.

"I'm here to meet you. Have this,"

Pan frowns. Zee is giving her a brown paper bag. She checks the content. There are some clothes; hoodies and T-shirts. There is also a pair of sneakers.

"They are for Shu," he says.

"Did you buy these for her? You shouldn't-"

"They belong to Ylang. I don't think she wanna wear those," Pan stares at Zee.

"Did she know?"

"She knows,"

"And she didn't ask anything?" Pan feels anxious.

"Don't worry. I told her it was for a university donation. I did work hard for that shoe, you know. It's not easy to convince her to let go of that."

Zee points his finger at the sneakers. Pan stares at it with a heavy heart.

"You don't have to pull till this extent, Zee..."

"Nah, Ylang won't need this anymore. Not now, not even in the future as well. So, why don't I give it to Shu? At least I know they are in good hands," he leans against the wall, looking at the free dark sky while drawing a smile on his face.

"No... I mean... You don't have to be involved in Shu's life this much. She's fine with what she has now," Pan respectfully rejects Zee's soft gesture and care towards her daughter. She's starting to feel curn in her stomach. The worst scenario keeps replaying in her mind.

"Why?"

"She is no one to you," her answers make Zee sigh. He gazed at her, sending a shivering signal into her bone.

Zee is mad now. Well, he starts to get pricked, at least!

"I don't believe giving away some nostalgic stuff is something that crosses the line of your private life. Besides, Shu reminds me of someone," he stands straight, facing Pan with a tiny but fury in his eyes. "Unless you're afraid that someone might misunderstand my act toward you," Zee continues.

They exchange glares. No need for words. Two years in a relationship is enough to know each other's thoughts. Sarcastic words, glares, and even the expression...

They don't need words to express their mind.

They know it all too well.

"I came here so I can achieve something in my life. So I can be a proud mom for Shu. Nothing else matters to me..." she pauses for a while, looking at the man who stands firm in front of her.

"Good. Focus on your study. You still have a long way to go..." Zee replies to her while nodding his head.

Pan stares at Zee. Million words jumbled inside her, but somehow it got stuck in the middle. Silently, she reminds herself that the chapter between Zee and her ended a long time ago. Right now, Zee is no one but her senior that she should respect.

"I should go now. You should leave as well," she swats her hand, chasing Zee from there. He nods in tiny, carefully steps out from his spot, and runs from the scene.

But, before he leaves, he looks back at Pan. The girl still standing in the same spot, watching him dissolve in the darkness. Deep into his heart, he has many questions left unanswered. But, he couldn't bring that up as he knew the chapter between them was over.

If you're happy with your life, I will be happy as well! Zee smiles though his eyes look sorrowful.

***

A few days back.

"What are you doing in my room, Hia?"

Zee watches Ylang, standing with her hands full of clothes.

"Helping you packing, of course!" he flashes his grin at her. Ylang sighs as she scatters those clothes on her bed.

"I told you... I can do it myself!" Ylang snatches her clothes from Zee's hand.

"I can help..."

"Why are you so stubborn, old man? Huh?"

Zee laughs, looking at his sassy sister. Ylang is the only sister that he has. Although they bicker almost all the time, no one can deny how close they are as siblings.

"When I'm gone, please don't go hermit and forget the house!" she reminds Zee. The man sighs, playing with his sweater's hem.

"Can I just stay at my apartment?" he asks.

"Nope! Someone has to keep an eye on Pa,"

"He's not immobility anyway. Besides, he is always at the office," Ylang clicks her tongue. She almost swats her brother with the scarf that she holds. But looking at Zee's gloomy face, she halts and shakes her head in tiny.

"Hia, you're 24. When will you gonna make peace with Pa?"

"You don't understand, Ylang..."

"Make me understand then, Hia. I know he's being unfair to you. But, you treat him the same, Hia. Did you realize that?" says Ylang.

Zee keeps silent. As much as he wanna make Ylang understand his feelings, he doesn't wanna make her worry about him as well.

"Ylang..."

"Yes, Hia?"

"Do you think Ma can forgive me?"

Ylang sighs. Her eyes are suddenly glassy. She holds on to Zee's hand and makes the man look at her.

"So, it's all because of Ma..."

"I-"

"Hia, if Ma is still alive, she gonna kick your ass for sure! May her rest in peace..."

The gloomy air turns joyful with her joke. Zee grins and snickers a bit. Ylang is someone who hates gloomy air. She will do whatever it takes to make the environment happy with her jokes. She's good with her words, a wise girl with lots of sassiness.

Which reminds him of someone.

"What's that?" his finger points at a box inside her closet. The box is at the bottom of the boxes at the corner of the entrance. It caught Zee's sight because it looked different than the rest of the boxes in the room.

"Oh... That's-" Ylang leaves her word hanging there. Instead, she runs into the room and takes the boxes out.

"Here..." she puts the box on the floor and opens it. There are some children's clothes, medals, and a pair of sneakers.

"Why are you keeping these old sneakers?" Zee asks.

Ylang takes out the sneakers. She rubs the fabric and smiles.

"Hia, do you remember the day when we joined a charity run with Ma?" she asks. Zee frowns. His brows almost stitch together.

"Which one? We did join a lot, you know..."

"This one. The first charity run, organized by Pa's office..."

"The one when you fell at the finishing line?"

"Yes. That one. I was four. I cried a lot. But..." Ylang smiles. She puts the sneakers on the floor.

"Ma told me, doesn't matter if we win or not. What matters the most is we have fun. It's not like every day we will be doing this together. So, I woke up and grabbed her hand. She dragged me to the finish line, with you waiting anxiously there," Ylang says.

Zee feels familiar with the words. No wonder why they come out of his mouth like smooth butter.

"I keep this as a memento of that day. It's the day when you, me and Ma had fun. I'll remember it for the rest of my life. It's the day when I feel like a grown-up," Ylang smiles. Her hand pushes the sneakers towards Zee.

"Ylang... I'm sorry for those years when I lost in the picture," Zee stares at his sister.

"Hia, let the past be bygone. What matters now is the future. And.. " Ylang softly touches Zee's hand. "I feel that you never left. You are always in here... In my heart..."

Zee pulls her in a hug. His sister will leave soon. Thought it would be only for four years, but he will be missing her presence. Moreover, the strained relationship between him and his father is not helping him at all.

He will feel lonely.

"I'm gonna miss you, Ylang..."

"Hia... You're funny! We can still do video calls, you know. It's not like we live in the era of telegram and limited internet access," Ylang jokingly smacks his shoulder. Zee whines in pain.

"Can I ask a favor before you leave?" he asks.

"Spill it out. Anything but money and women," Zee snickers. He glares at the sneakers.

"About these sneakers..."