Chapter 5: A Choice?
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh, hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride,
In a one-horse open sleigh.
+++
Christmas...is...the wonderful time of the year...
I used to believe in Santa. Wishing for my gift every year.
When I saw the little kids bragging about their gift given by Santa...I envy...I was jealous...I want the gift...but I never got one from Santa.
"Mama...will Santa give me the new phone???"
"Of course. But you have to be a good kid."
"Yes, Mama~"
"We have to wake up at night tonight, don't forget to set the alarm clock, dear."
"Our kid is going to love the gift we gave him this year."
"Isn't it cute?? Haha..."
I lost my parents many years ago, I sat on the bench listening to the couple whispering to each other was like a perfect lovable scene from the movie screen.
I miss...my parent.
If only that time I could stop them, they wouldn't have to die.
<24 December, tomorrow, we'll set our journey to Cambodia. It's our last hope for humanity's survival. Anna, Arnold, if you read this...no matter what choice you make...believe or not to believe...it's okay. We love both of you.>
The last page of the journal had the circle spot everywhere...it was crumbled like the piece of paper soaking in tears.
I lived under the same roof as them...I...I...ate at the same table with them...I laugh with them...but...but...I was ignoring the whole time...I didn't know a single thing about my parents.
And right now, I'm making the same mistake again...I ran away from home right after I regained my consciousness...I don't want to let them see me crying.
I don't want to look weak. I don't want anyone to see me cry.
And here...I am...unable to hold it in anymore...crying on the bench in front of the Christmas tree.
"Father, I want to visit grandma..."
"We'll visit her next year."
"Mommy, I want that toy."
"Alright, alright. Stop pulling mommy's scarf."
"Earth is flat!!! Earth is flat!!!"
It was noisy, it was loud. Christmas was so lively and cheerful.
"Earth is flat!!! Earth isn't round--" the poster dropped on my feet, I giggled a little seeing how beautiful the flat earth was in that poster.
Haha...
But that person's customer was so adorable and hilarious. He was wearing a red sock as his costume and the only part I could see was his eyes.
"You drop your poster." I smiled at whoever it was in that sock's customer.
"Thank...thank...you..." I had no idea why he was shuttering, but seeing how heavy that customer was on his body, I told him to sit on the bench beside me.
His voice was so familiar...
"Do you think...it's ridiculous...?"
"What's ridiculous??"
"I mean...the thing about earth is flat."
"Well...if we think about it logically..."
"I know...I know...everyone kept saying that...but...can we really know everything just by reading books, and seeing photos they took from space??"
"Yeah..."
I no longer know what I should believe and what I shouldn't anymore. The earth on that poster was green and blue...but the earth my parents described was all covered in ice.
"But you know...I want to find it out myself...I want to travel the world...go beyond the world...and maybe take a gleam of the border surrounding the flat earth. Even if it is wrong, but at least, I could figure it out by myself!!! Humanity always moved forward because of their curiosity."
"...you're right..." I felt like something was lighting up inside my heart, like a way!!! A door was opened and it was welcoming me to enter it.
Beyond that door, it will be rough...it will be difficult but if I ever stop to ask myself...will my future self be happy if I just continued to feign ignorant living in the world like this...I won't!!
I know which path I should walk, which door I should enter, the only way my future self won't regret in the future.
"Thank you for this!!! And...I will prove it to you too...that earth is round!!" I felt so refreshed under the snow as I stood up at the bench smiling at that sock.
"I'll prove it to you too, Anna..."
"!!!" that sock guy got up from the bench and took off his hat...the black hair...I finally realized who was I talking to the whole time.
"Rickie???!!!"
"No, I'm Rick. You used to see through me every time...I guess now that you're Rick's girlfriend...you..."
"No...no...no...I mean...emm...how should I say it??? Your hair is different..."
"Ah...I didn't get to style my hair since I'm wearing this costume..."
"Ahaha...I was just kidding...of course, you're my cru--I mean...my friend...super close friend...yep, yep, just a friend...Rick..."
"Okay...well, bye now...your smile is still beautiful as ever...I'll call you first when I landed in New Zealand..."
!!!?
He...he...
"Wait!!" I rushed to grab his hand, he looked at me with many questions but that time I realized that if I didn't stop him there...I won't ever be able to meet him again...since...there was no new Zealand...
Anna...stop him....you need to...
"What's wrong Anna??? Are you going to miss me???"
Don't laugh, idiot!!! I don't want to lose you just like how I lost my parents...now that I know...it's even more difficult for me to let go of you.
"Anna...??"
"Please don't g--"
"Anna!!!! Ah...I'm really worried about you!!!! Don't run off like that!!!" a pair of hands hugged me from behind, it was Rickie's voice saying that.
At that moment, I didn't understand...why did Rick put his hand back on and run away???
I didn't get to tell him.
"Rickie...I'm fine...really..."
"I was so worried...your brother is very worried about you at home." he was so warm, it was comforting and it was the hug I needed.
It was fortunate he didn't see me cry. But I didn't even know how long the time we spent as the pretend couple will last...I won't be here anymore.
"Rickie..."
"Yes...??"
Seeing his worried face full of concern for me, those words didn't come out.
"Nevermind..."
I didn't even know if it was even the right thing to do. My day won't ever be the same anymore after reading the journal.
The future is uncertain. If I can't stop Rick from going abroad, I won't meet him again. I don't know what's beyond South Korea.
But one thing I know for sure was that I needed to...
"Noona...you're back!!! Don't do that again...don't run away like that..."
"Yes, yes...I'm here now..."
My little brother sniffled in my arm as I hugged him tightly in my arm as it was our last hug.
"Be safe on your way home, Rickie...we'll talk about the journal tomorrow."
"Have a good night...everything will be alright..."
"Yeah..."
My little brother was sleeping sucking his tongue hugging his favorite doll on his bed, seeing that...my heart was shattering when I closed the door to his room lightly as I left the house with the bag full of everything I need.
"I'm sorry...Arnold..." I left the house leaving behind the money I saved for my brother's future education at the house.
Heuk...euk...
I have to do it...a choice needed to be made.
"I'm sorry...sorry...you'll be just fine without me...my dear brother...hic...hic..."
It was the worst Christmas ever...but I won't let that one bad Christmas stop me from getting the real Christmas back...I will bring back the world...the real world back using the journal as the guide to my survival.
To be continued...!